You Have My Word

Here are all threads from before the Fall of Emea in 719 and all threads pertaining to the Fall. As of Ymiden 719 (1st June 2019), this forum is locked for new threads and is a repository for old content.

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Malcolm
Posts: 1099
Joined: Tue Mar 29, 2016 6:11 am
Race: Mortal Born
Renown: 179
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You Have My Word

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8 Saun 716
It would be another handful of days at least before they made it to the shores of Ne'haer, and after a few sleepless nights, Malcolm had finally managed to switch up his sleeping pattern, becoming tired enough that sleeping the daylight hours away was no problem. Once again he found himself in his sister's realm, hunting for one man in particular, the only man who would listen to him and recall the interrupted dream.
It was only by chance that their sleep schedules were aligned, with Malcolm having tried a couple of times to seek his fellow knight out. The dreamscape slowly came into focus and Malcolm found himself in a bar, one he recognised from Krome. The patrons were rowdy and the drinks were flowing, fingers dancing across piano keys wildly in the corner, as a couple of backup singers helped the lead with some of the big notes. Malcolm looked down to find himself dressed in his black leather and chainmail, fitting attire for a knight of Krome.
A gang of thugs sat in the centre of the room, each with a handful of cards. Malcolm looked about in search of Benjamin, and unable to find him, he headed upstairs to check each of the rooms. When he finally discovered the man, Benjamin was enjoying a rather steamy looking dance from one of the tavern girls, while another topped his tankard up with ale. Benjamin jumped out of his skin when he noticed Malcolm, and hastily did up the fastenings on his trousers before hunting around for his belt and shirt.
"Captain!" He smiled as he struggled into a shirt, only to realise part way through that it wasn't his own. "I was just-"
"Enjoying the company of two women who look nothing like your wife?" Malcolm interjected.
Benjamin scooped up his actual shirt and pulled it on over his head, spinning it about until it was facing the right way for his hands to shoot through the armholes. "Apologies, Captan, you won't-"
"Say anything?" Malcolm smirked. "You have my word. Can we speak privately?"
Benjamin's movements slowed. "Of course. Ladies if you would."
The women left the room and Malcolm shut the door behind them before dragging a wooden chair across the floor to sit down. "You might want to sit down for this."
word count: 395
Malcolm
Posts: 1099
Joined: Tue Mar 29, 2016 6:11 am
Race: Mortal Born
Renown: 179
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You Have My Word

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"So I'm dreaming?"
Malcolm rubbed his temple. "Yes."
"The same as that time in Venora?"
"Yes."
"And you're-"
"It's called lucid dreaming, Ben. How many times are you going to have me explain this."
"So... You're awake?"
"I'm asleep, but I know that I am asleep, therefore I am aware of my actions."
"Am I lucid dreaming?"
"I hope so, because I need you to remember what we talk about now," Malcolm explained. "Elyna is in trouble, not dream trouble, very real danger. Vanessa is still alive.
Ben picked up the tankard of ale and took a sip which then evacuated his mouth faster than it had been poured in, a spray of ale soaking the wooden floorboards between them. "She is?"
"Yes, and she has Elyna! I thought you were checking in on her?"
"I fed the horses and made sure they had water. I figured she was out. She had visitors a couple of times, that man from the wedding and a young woman I didn't recognise."
"What man from the wedding?" Malcolm asked before holding up a hand, "never mind. Can you get a team to Burhan? She is being held captive in my old house by Vanessa and my son Marcus. I don't know how many more you'll run into."
"Marcus? I always thought-"
"I know," Malcolm's brow furrowed. "I don't know where things went wrong, but they have."
"Any idea why they have taken Elyna hostage?"
"None whatsoever, neither of them are the type to do something like this."
Benjamin frowned. "Didn't Vanessa try to poison you?"
"Yes but..." Malcolm sighed, he had tried to rationalise it all, but it just didn't make sense. Vanessa had always been such a kind natured soul and Marcus was raised well. "I don't think they will hurt her... But I'm not willing to leave anything to chance. Please help her."
Benjamin nodded and the dream faded away.
word count: 333
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Whisper
Posts: 1767
Joined: Thu Feb 05, 2015 10:36 pm
Race: Naerikk
Profession: Storyteller
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You Have My Word

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Malcolm


Peer Review

Story: 4/5
Collaboration: 0/5
Structure: 5/5


Awarded Knowledge
Nyvora: Lucid Dreaming [/color]xxxxxx Lucid Dreaming: Remembering Upon Waking
Protecting Elyna [/color]xxxxxx
Extras
Loot & Losses [/color]xxxxxx Injuries
None [/color]xxxxxx None
Comments

As a general rule, I don’t like “blocks” of text on the internet. But you manage it really well with the indenting. Maybe the colours help too. Not too garish (my poor visually stressed eyes weren’t stressed!). This has no purpose in my grade but I wanted to share it with you anyway.

The plot.. the intrigue! I said the same thing to Alistair and I’ll say it to you too - I need to know more! Wow. Wish it was longer. That’s why I bumped you down on the Story. More pls.


As you can see, I have provided feedback and reasoning behind my review. If you have any questions, comments or criticism about your review, feel free to send me a PM and we can discuss it.
Thank ye.
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word count: 174
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