• Memory • Caught in the rain

[Jachiel]

4 Ymiden 713

Jachiel collected the small package containing the necklace that he'd been dispatched to the docks to fetch, and tucked it inside his coat to keep it dry. The rain didn't look as if it was letting up any time soon, so he turned and splashed his way towards the temporary shelter of the Rusty Anchor. There was no immediate hurry to get the parcel back up the hill, and he wanted to dry off a bit first. A small noise off to his left snatched his attention. His eyes snapped to the source, spotted the mouse busily turning fallen fragments of cattle food into mouse food, and dismissed the noise into the background of city life.

He made his way along the docks until he came to the welcome sight of the tavern door. Pulling one hand out of his pockets, he laid it on the handle and shoved, just in case the rain had made it stick. It hadn't much, so he ducked easily under the lintel, and dripped his way to the bar. He ordered and paid for a mug of beer which, when he tried it, tasted mostly of apple with an undertone of old barrels. He eased the nearest candle clear of his drips before he put it out and took a moment to look around. Most of the people there were sailors, as usual, with a scattering of merchants come down to the docks to trade or collect the result of trades.

There was also a rather pretty girl, who didn't look any more like a sailor than he did himself, with his soldier's haircut, and his mufti clothes. Jachiel took his beer and slid onto a stool beside her. He pasted on his best smile and asked, "So what brings a girl like you out to a place like this?"

Receipt

Mug of beer - 2 sn

[Jachiel]

"The smell reminds me of home," she replied, so coldly that Jachiel was a little surprised not to find frost forming on his mug and her glass. She pointedly turned her back on him and began talking to someone else. He sighed a little, but didn't pester. Instead, he leaned on the bar, arms folded in front of him, and sipped his beer. It wasn't as if he didn't spend extra time in the stables on occasion just to be around animals and smell the hay from the fields.

The door swung open again and a rather bedraggled bard ducked inside with a fiddle case cradled in her arms. Just one more person sheltering from the downpour, he guessed, who had found her corner closer to the Anchor than other options. The rattle of dice on wood faltered for a moment as the players looked up, and took in the possiblity of more entertainment, then resumed. The bard glanced around, wrung out her cloak in a corner by the door, and edged over to speak to Old Man Geoff. Jachiel watched them confer out of the corner of his eye, while his head remained pointed at his mug as if he was just another drinker and shelterer.

The bard wedged herself in a corner by the bar, tuned her fiddle, and asked if there were any requests. Jachiel's mouth twitched at the corners when someone - several someones actually - called for "The Love-lorn Scholar". It was a common enough bar song, and bard corner request, more insinuation than explicitness, and one of those songs that stuck in the head for hours afterwards. The bard didn't seem to mind. She just placed her hat down for coins, put a foot on it to prevent anone snatching it, and started straight into the song.

"I loved a girl by the name of Pearl
And she said that she loved me..."

She wasn't actually that bad, Jachiel thought, turning to watch her now that he had an excuse to do so. He listened to her wind her way through the song as the un-named scholar lost each piece of his clothing with half an ear. The other half was tuned to the sound of the rain outside. When it began to slacken he finished his drink and slid away towards the door. Behind him, the bard was still singing.

"...We kissed each other as confidants
And I thought we'd soon be wed.
But she had her eyes on something else
And that's how I lost my pants!..."

[Jachiel]

The rain was still falling, and had the look of something which was going to go on all trial, so he was going to get wet going bac no matter how long he waited. He flexed his muscles lightly, pushing against the insides of his clothes to see how soaked he was already. It didn't seem too bad, so he tucked his coat tightly round him, and the parcel, and slipped out to make the long journey back to base. Something white shot past his face and he jumped instinctively back as his hand dropped defensively to the hilt of his dagger. The white splattered on the sodden ground and washed away like the bird-chalk it was. Jachiel swore and tipped his head back to look for the source, but the rain got in his eyes, and all he got for his efforts was a seagull shriek that sounded far too much like laughter. He swiped the water away with his sleeve, and saw at least three gulls swoopng above the docks. There was no way to tell which of them had bombed him, so he put his head down again and trudged on.

He eventually came through the gate, and the sight of the tree greeted him as usual. Today, its leaves were turned up to the rain like thirsty mouths. He shifted his path to take him past the tree, close to the plaque, and brushed it with two chilled fingers in a salute of thanks to its constant reminder of endurance, safety, and - strength. Nature had a way of taking on the worst of trials, then gathering up the rags and tatters that were left and remaking them into new leaves than then unfurled into a new morning. Life went on. Nature went on. Jachiel tried to follow their example and go on, no matter what happened. There was good, and there was bad, and there were seeds of hope to plant in tomorrow's soil. He nodded to the tree, and went on towards the barracks, completion of his errand, and a warm fire.

[Rumour]

Name: Jachiel

Knowledge:
Location: Rynmere
Location: Andaris
Location: The Rusty Anchor
Ballad: The Love-lorn Scholar
Detection: Pay attention to small noises
Detection: How to guess a person’s intent from the details of their appearance
Seduction: How to craft a smooth pick-up line
Seduction: How to recognize when your affections are unwanted
Philosophy: Life goes on, no matter what happens

Loot: -2sn for a mug of beer
Injuries: N/A
Fame: +3 for timely delivery of needed goods
Devotion: N/A

Story: 4/5
Collaboration: 0/5
Structure: 5/5

- - -

Comments: Thank you for your patience with this review, Jachiel! This is the first thread of yours that I've had the pleasure of reading, and I have to say that I really enjoyed it. While I had to deduct a point for length (less than 1500 words), it certainly wasn't because the story itself was lacking.

One of the things I most enjoyed was the way you brought the scenery to life. Your description was really well-crafted - everything from the rain to the rattle of dice to the appearance of the bard. My very favourite line was when you wrote, “‘The smell reminds me of home,’ she replied, so coldly that Jachiel was a little surprised not to find frost forming on his mug and her glass.” Beautiful imagery!

My only note for you is non-thread related: Don't forget to deduct your expenses for Vhalar 716 and Zi’da 716 from your ledger! If you have not yet completed your job threads, just add a line saying “Expenses pending job thread completion” so future reviewers are aware.

Overall, this was a wonderful read that gave me a nice peek into Jachiel's past! I think you did a great job of crafting a story out of the Writing Challenges, and I can't wait to read your next one.

If you feel I've missed anything or if you have questions about your review, please don't hesitate to send me a quick PM. Thanks!