[Astedia] A Change of Plans?

[Celeste Andaris]

75th Ymiden, 717

The doctor had just left, having come for his regular visit to check on Xander’s ribs. Having declare the young Lord Krome to be fit and healthy and no longer in need of a fussing fiancée, if ever he had been in need of such, Celeste had done as she always had and walked the doctor out. Perhaps strangely, though, she had been gone quite some time and had not, in fact, come back to their room at all.

She had been delighted when the doctor said that Xander had a clean bill of health. Since he had been injured, Celeste had insisted on sleeping on a spare bed in their room, terrified that she would have a nightmare and lash out at him or something. So, the young Baroness had slept in the bed next to him, always watchful of his movements and listening to his breathing. She’d tried her best to get him to stop working, although she’d given in on parts of that and more than once she had informed him in a rather haughty manner that he was a most uncooperative patient who truly needed to just do as he was told.

Whenever the doctor had come and made one of his regular visits, Celeste had walked him out and then come straight back, but this time she had not. A half break had passed, in fact, before Xander had spotted her in the garden below their bedroom. She was sitting, perched on a low wall and looking at a flowerbed. She didn’t move, just sat and stared.

Celeste looked up as Xander’s shadow blocked out the sunlight, as he walked up to her in the garden. She was white, her eyes wide and her expression very careful and controlled. ”Hello,” she said and smiled, somewhat distractedly. ”I’m sorry, I should have come back and told you. But I wanted to just have some time first.” She breathed in and looked up at him with confusion on her face. ”He’s gone now. The doctor. Sit down, if you’d like to.” There was room on the wall, after all.

She was quiet for a moment before she came to a conclusion. ”Xander,” Celeste turned to him, suddenly looking earnest and focusing on him. ”Do you know that, once we’re married there’s no option for divorce? I mean, even if you wanted it, there isn’t. Even if you hate me or I you, there’s nothing that can be done. It’s inevitable. It’s like, it’s a great big unending responsibility to each other. Does that worry you? Would you like a get out clause?” The frown on her forehead told him that she was being quite serious and had something on her mind. ”I mean, it’s the rest of your life. Are you sure this is what you want for the rest of your life?” There was just a slight tinge of hysteria to her tone and, as quickly as she had started to speak, she stopped.

[Xander Andaris]

She seemed troubled as he approached her, or perhaps just deep in thought. Still, the fact she had not returned from meeting with the doctor was concerning and unusual. "Hello." He responded in turn as she had spoken first and looked at her curiously, wondering what was wrong as she said she should have told him. Should have told him what? He wanted to ask but didn't as she kept speaking and he took a seat at her side. Xander knew better than to pressure and she paused he waited calmly as he could.

Her questions were far from comforting and certainly did not make him any less worried. In fact they made him wonder if he'd done something wrong or if maybe there was something wrong with her. After all, she had been with the doctor. She spoke of no option for divorce or them somehow hating one another and about it being an unending responsibility. "I know this Celeste, I have known this since the day we met and I have come to terms with the fact I will lose out on much I had hoped to achieve." He said that but he did not look sad any more, not like he had been with Alistair at the realisation.

"Yet it does not worry me as I have a new life now, a new future and I will find a new cause. One that I can pursue with you." He smiled and took her hand, showing he really did not fear what was to come. "Are you sure it is what you want? You have never shown such fears before and it makes me worry you might be have second thoughts." Xander looked at her and wondered it could possibly be that.

He knew he wanted to be with her and it was actually one of the few things he was really sure of. "Being with you is what I want Celeste, I do not want any get out clause or escape route. I want you and whatever future we make together." He released her hand and put his arm around her. "What is the matter, what should you have come to tell me?"

He probably could have thought of a million reasons yet he only wanted one, the truth. Something had prompted these fears in her and he needed to get to the bottom of it. "Is this because of what happened in Drakengard? Do you no want to live in fear of me not coming home, what is the matter?" The not knowing was causing him to grow afraid now, much like she seemed to be.

[Celeste Andaris]

She clutched his hand, her own trembling slightly as his fingers wrapped around hers. Then, of all things, he asked her if she was sure if it was what she wanted and Celeste frowned in some confusion. "How can you wonder about that? Of course it's what I want. I want us and our future, the one we've dreamed of and talked of." She sighed slightly and leaned herself against him, resting herself in the crook of his arm as she explained, or at least thought she did. "I just didn't expect it to all happen quite so soon, that's all." His arm around her was what she needed, though, and she pulled herself as close to him as possible, her hands on his knee.

"I mean, we're getting married in thirty trials, Xander. Did you realise that? Just thirty trials and I'll be your wife. It's what I want, I just..." slender fingers danced on his knee, plucking at an invisible seam on his trousers, her mind reeling. "Drakengard? Oh, that. No. I mean, yes, it terrifies me but that's who you are and I love you." Her hands stilled and she turned to look at him. "I do. You know that, don't you Xander? I love you. I'm changed. I'm changing more and more each trial and it's because of you. Because of us."

A momentary calm, it seemed, in a sea of confusion as her hands started to once again fidget. "It's good that we've got Louise. And we'll have to think about Ala'ni, too. She's vulnerable and I want her to know that we love her. " That Celeste thought she was making sense was without doubt. However, she had forgotten to tell him the single most important bit of this. "We do, and we need to tell her. I don't want her thinking that we will lose any feeling for her."

There were just so many things to think about and Celeste didn't really know where to begin. Certainly not at the beginning, it seemed and she frowned as her mind flitted to the next thing. "I might have to have my dress let out, I suppose. I don't think so, though, not in thirty trials if we just found out today." That wasn't really important, though, it was other decisions which had to be made. "I mean, I'm more concerned about how long I can work for, and then there's the preparations, too. I don't want nannies all over the place. I know that there will need to be some, but I want to do this ourselves. But we haven't talked about it. Why haven't we talked about this?"

Because neither of them expected it, in truth. But still. "We need to think about this, Xander, start planning. This is all our life and we're not prepared. Why aren't we prepared?"

[Xander Andaris]

He was more than confused at first, she had known they were to marry for plenty of time now. It was not like it was a sudden surprise that in 3o trials they would be wed. "I do realise that and I have known for quite some time, as have you. I am not sure why suddenly this is so unbelievable for you and unexpected." She was making little sense with what she said but she seemed to calm momentarily as she said she loved him. "I know Celeste and I love you too." He stroked her hair and held her close as she seemed to begin to talk randomly again.

Now she was talking about Louise, the nanny and head of public relations and then Ala'ni. It was all very random, the sudden need to talk to the girl and express their love for her. He was unsure why it was important Louise was there though, she had been there all along and he could not see what had changed now. "Why.." She continued to blabber, a panicked tone in her voice.

Let her dress out, found out today, nannies all over the place and the wish to do it more themselves. He began to piece together the many odd clues in his head until something clicked and he knew what was happening. His eyes glazed over and he could have sworn his heart skipped a beat, his whole past and future seemed to shatter at the realisation. "Whoa, whoa, Celeste, slow down. Are you trying to say that we are going to have a baby?" He looked into her eyes as he struggled to hold back the tears of pure joy.

Even before she verified his conclusion he knew it to be true. He dropped from the low wall to his knees in front of her the drops escaping from his eye lids as he took her hands. A smile like nothing she would have seen before gracing his lips. "We will be prepared Celeste, there is plenty of time. Do not worry my love." His voice was full of joy and the tone alive. This was the happiest he had ever been, nothing had ever compared to the feeling he had at that moment. Xander moved into squat in front of her and placed his hands on her face, his mind a wildfire of emotions.

"I am going to be a father." He kissed her, gently cupping her cheeks as he did. He came back from the kiss and continued to look at her, repeating his previous comment. "I am going to be a father, Celeste. This is wonderful news!" He could have danced if he was such a person, or screamed in joy but he did not. Instead he stood and embraced Celeste, holding her head against his chest where his heart was beating in overdrive.

[Celeste Andaris]

"Xander, aren't you listening to me? Yes, of course we are, I said that." Until the trial that she died, Celeste would swear that she had told him, sitting there in the garden. In truth, she was just utterly in shock.

He moved to in front of her, his hands taking hers and tears on his face. Celeste looked at him and she looked confused and unsure, but as he took her face in his hands, it seemed to break her out of the shock she was in. She returned his kiss and realized, as he looked at her with such joy on his face that she was crying and did not really know why. "Yes. Yes, you are. We are going to be parents." He stood and pulled her against him and Celeste could hear his heart beating. It was going faster than usual and she smiled.

She stood up next to him, then sat back down. "I've been feeling tired, a little nauseous. Lin suggested I mentioned it to the doctor. He asked to see me on the way out and he's sure." She wasn't really sure what it was that she was supposed to do with this information, not clear what was expected protocol. "Xander, we aren't married. Will that matter? I know it doesn't matter to us, but I mean to.. to..."

To this person. This person she realised and Celeste looked even more shocked than she had. "I'm pregnant," she whispered and pulled him to her, kissing him, laughing and crying all in the same moment. "Xander, we're going to ..." Her expression mirrored his for delight and she clung on to him for a few moments.

"Who do we tell and when?" Celeste wondered. "There is a bit of me that wants to shout it from the rooftops, but there is another bit of me which wants to keep it secret, just our secret. But that doesn't make sense, I know. I need to think about work and people will see the morning sickness."

Celeste realised something and she looked at him with a genuine expression of despair on her face. "Oh by the seven you are going to be unbearably protective now." The grin which broke through showed how she was teasing, "Now that our baby is growing in here," she placed a hand on her stomach and sighed. "I suddenly really want my mother." Celeste's voice sounded small in that moment, but she took his hand and put it with hers. "You're going to be a father, Lord Krome," she whispered and then smiled at him, tears still in her eyes. "And I am going to get very fat."

[Xander Andaris]

He held her for a short while but he wished it would have been longer, just having her in his arms was something he wished could last forever. "It does not matter Celeste, not to us and not to our child. They will be born in wedlock and they will bare your name. They will be happy and nobody will question it, I am sure." Nobody would question the child's date of conception as no one would have reason too or evidence to support disputing its claim should they ever need to inherit the lands of Andaris.

"I have nobody to tell." It was strange and somewhat saddening to admit that but he had no true friends that he had joined with for non political means. He did not care to tell his parents, especially not his father and they would find out eventually anyway. "Who we tell is up to you as I can keep this a secret or tell everyone, the truth is that either way the fact does not change that you are pregnant and soon enough you will be showing that. I would say not to keep it a secret but just to tell those who need to know and if others ask you may admit it and if they do not then simply do not mention it."

As she looked truly lost of hope he smiled at her words, knowing them to be true. Still her hopeless expression would likely be made all the much worse with what came next. "Perhaps I should lock you up in that tower after all. You have a tendency to get attacked and now it is two lives that are risked." He placed his hand on top of hers against her stomach and placed his other hand on her hip. He could see and hear the sadness as she spoke of her mother and took his hand from her side into her own grip.

She reminded him of what he would soon be and he could not deny the sense of pride that swirled through his messy mix of emotions as he shook his head. "Not fat, Celeste. You will be perfect and beautiful." He said it and although it felt like something all men said to the mothers of their children he did not care because it was true. It was not fat but a home for their child to grow and be kept safe from the dangers of the outside world.

"I will handle all affairs off of the estate now, not you. I cannot allow you to go travelling far from home and with the risk of attack." He turned around and stepped away from a second looking up at the white manor house as his face became more serious and calculating. "Yes, no more risky trips for you. I will take the load for you that requires venturing out of the safety here and you will handle what you can from home." He turned back to face her not ready to budge on those terms.

[Celeste Andaris]

"Our name." Celeste looked up at him and tugged him back to sitting next to her, looking at him with a serious gaze as she realised that. "It has to be our name because it is our family, our child, Xander." She was nervous and confused, but growing calmer.

He had no one to tell? Celeste shook her head and she turned to kiss him. "Let's not tell anyone till after the wedding, Xander. Lets just know, you and I." Holding on to him there, she felt a wave of contentment and another. "Our baby, made with our love. I just want it to be you and I and no one else knows." As they talked about it, as it became more real, Celeste felt confusion start to leave her. He was happy, she was happy. They were going to have a child and their own family would start.

His suggestion of a tower to lock her in caused a laugh from Celeste, although she wasn't entirely sure that he'd been joking when he then went on to talk about him taking over the running of things and her staying here. "Xander, don't be silly." Celeste looked at him she smiled, shaking her head. "I am not about to become a prisoner in our home because I'm pregnant," she lifted her hand to his cheek. "But we will take every precaution, alright? Increase security and everything that it takes to make you feel safe. I won't do anything to risk this, Xander, I want it too much." But if he thought for one minute that she was going to become a recluse for the next two seasons, then he had best think again.

"I suggest that what we do is speak to the doctor about what is sensible for me to do and what is not." The doctor, she knew, had a very pragmatic attitude and was much more likely to use the phrase 'you're pregnant, not ill, carry on' than the sort of over protective Xander was about to descend into. "If he says that it isn't safe for me to do anything, I won't do it and I will follow his instructions to the letter." However, she would not be retiring to a fainting couch any trial soon.

"We need to ask him about things like training and practice and the dance practice. What I should and shouldn't do," with a demure expression she glanced up at him from beneath her lashes, hoping to turn his attention away from her sudden proposed incarceration. "Anything that we should avoid." Taking his hand she couldn't hide the beaming smile of pleasure on her face. "I think maybe we should ask the servants to move that spare bed out of our room. I was thinking I'd do it, but I suspect heavy lifting is a no."

[Xander Andaris]

"It will be our name once we are married Celeste, however, right this moment it is yours. I still bare the name of Krome and I mean no offence by it but I will be a Krome until Saun." He looked at her and he could not help his hearts want for both her and Krome, even as he had accepted it was going to be lost to the past he still loved his home lands. "I think, that I will always be a Krome somewhere deep down within me, however, that will be shared with the name Andaris, if not equally then more so. We will be the future of Andaris, me you and them." He looked towards her stomach and offered a warm comforting expression.

As she wished it, it would be and he would not take the secret from them. "Then it shall remain our beautiful secret until after we are married." He would always do his best to support her and it just happened that in this situation he had no alternative to offer either. He was as happy to keep it between them as he was to tell and so the way she wanted it was the way they would go with.

She refused to allow him to take on the lead role and he felt his body tense up, a wave of discomfort spreading across him that was not relieved by the gently touch of Celeste to his cheek. "Celeste, I must implore that you think about this more, only recently did we see that Drakengard is not as safe as we hoped and you have been attacked four times in the past season alone." His face was serious and he was not ready to allow her to venture out and risk the two things he loved now.

He understood why she did not want it but he could not bring himself to accept it that easily. "To me Celeste, leaving the safety this estate offers you is too much. The world is a vicious place and if the wrong person were to find out you were carrying the heir to Andaris I have no doubt that someone may take the opportunity. Guards can do a lot but guards have failed many people in the past." Xander had stepped back now, he loved her and he wanted nothing more than the future they were now realising but he was afraid and he knew the risks.

"We may talk with the doctor and I cannot stop you doing what you want but I will not be happy about it. Know that now, if you choose to make state visits and go out into harms way then I will not be happy." He looked at her and his gaze softened, he sounded crazed and mean he knew it. "You know I say this because I am afraid right? You know I only want this because I can't lose you and this? What we have created together is too important and it is so vulnerable, I can't risk losing it like I lost Zara. It would break me and I have had to fight so hard to not break before."

Somehow he had gone from strong and persistent to a crying fool. His face broke and the streams ran down his cheeks, small waterfalls as he knew that life now was going to get complicated for all he was happy he was afraid. He was afraid someone would take it from him, rip it from his grasp and destroy it. "I am afraid Celeste, so afraid. I have seen the cruelty of the world and I don't want to lose this to it, I need us." He dropped to his knees as he was overwhelmed, emotion breaking him down. His heart was racing and his face red, he felt dizzy as he looked up at Celeste and his expression was one of confusion and fear, pain pulsing through his veins as he could not understand why he had suddenly been consumed.

"I love you." The words left his lips as his head dipped down, his own hysteria seeming to have taken the place of Celeste's. He was always strong for her but this was not the first time he had lost it before her and as he was there for her she was always there for him. Perhaps this was why it happened late, he had wanted to support her and now what had hit and set Celeste into panic had hit him too but in a different way.

[Celeste Andaris]

He argued with her about leaving the estate and Celeste's face briefly took on an expression of irritation, frustration. She turned to tell him that she was not having it, that he was not going to control her in this way and that he was just going to have to come to some sort of compromise with her.

Yet, when she turned, she saw his face and Celeste stopped, her heart leaping into her throat.

He had lost his sister and he was afraid. No, it was more than that, he was terrified that he was going to lose her, or the baby. As he fell to his knees, Celeste followed him, kneeling on the ground of the gardens with him, her hands moving to his cheeks, his shoulders. "Xander. Xander, stop," the outpouring that came from him left her reeling with the depth of it, the sense of pure loss that he had experienced.

"I know you do. I love you too." Leaning forward, she kissed his forehead gently. "You aren't going to lose me. Us. We will live, Xander, all our lives together. Look at me. Look at me." She turned his head to face her, her eyes almost stern for all that they were overflowing with emotion. She couldn't begin to address this fear of his because it was not fear he was feeling.

It was grief.

She recognised it for what it was, and Celeste wondered if Xander had ever even cried for his sister. He had held it all in and now, as he faced a future where he was happy he was afraid and guilty, grief ridden and completely overwhelmed. "You miss her," she whispered, kissing him gently. "You miss her and you haven't allowed yourself that for such a long time. But now that you have, it's like a flood." She kissed him again, her lips briefly touching his, her hands on his shoulders, holding him.

"It's what it felt like for me when I screamed and threw ornaments at you." The young woman who was soon to be his wife smiled and lowered her head to kiss him again. "I couldn't hold them in any more, all the feelings. I was so angry and so very afraid. But look, here you are. You didn't leave." Celeste raised her hand to wipe his tears from his cheeks. "Because you love me. I'm not going anywhere for the same reason. Xander. You miss your sister because you love her. You will always miss her and you will always love her. There's nothing to be afraid of."

Kneeling there in the ground together, she held on to him. How strange, she thought, that finding out that he was going to be a father should allow him to finally release his grief. "It's alright, my wolf. It's overwhelming, that's all and it released all those other overwhelming feelings you've held to for so long. That's all it is. She deserves to be grieved for, doesn't she?"

How strange, she thought, it was only trials ago that she knelt on the floor and cradled Andraska as he grieved for his sister. What parallels between the two of them, Andraska Venora and Xander Krome there were.

[Xander Andaris]

She held him in that moment, her hands warm and comforting. It was all he needed and it was something he had missed his whole life, the tender touch and care of a woman. His mother had failed to care for him and his sister had been stolen too young. Her voice relaxed him as he just knelt there in her embrace, happy to remain there silently listening for a while. She had this effect on him when he lost control and for all the times he protected her she was all that could keep him truly stable.

"I will never let you be hurt again Celeste, by Ethelynda's name I will protect you and with the power she granted me you and our child will be safe. I promise you." He looked into her eyes as she held his face, his mind blurry as he wrestled with the tornado in his head. His hands took hers as they rested on his cheeks and squeezed them. "I could not help my sister and I could not save her, it has pained me my entire life. I have always blamed myself for being so powerless to do anything but I am not longer a child. I am a powerful man now and I will not let you slip away from me so easily." He removed her hands from his cheeks and place them on his thighs as he placed a hand around the back of her head.

He closed his eyes for a moment and then leaned forward, placing his forehead against Celeste's. Xander held them there for a moment before leaning back raising up and kissing her forehead. "It was her birthtrial on the 18th. Normally I would visit her grave, however, now I cannot do so easily. On my next visit to Krome I will leave her flowers and tell her the news, she would be so happy that I am having a child and to marry a noble lady." Even though the pain was great he smiled at the memories of the conversations he had shared with her. The ideas of a future like this had gone, she had been the one that wanted it for him and he had believed it lost when she was.

Xander took in a sharp breath and then stood, lifting Celeste with him. "Zara died a long time ago, she left me alone and weak but I hid from it, refused to accept it and I still do. I don't think I will ever accept the cruel act of misfortune that took her from me. However, I must worry about new thing now, the two of you." He took Celeste's hands in his and raised one to his lips, planting a soft kiss atop the fingers. "We will have a happy future and I will make sure that nothing ill befalls you or our beautiful creation."

"Now let us get something to eat, my pain will pass in time and I will be again myself. I will never forget her but I cannot allow the pain to control me anymore. Come, Celeste, we shall eat and celebrate together for this news is wonderful." He lead her into the house where they could do as he suggested, leaving the garden behind along with the pain for now.