[Astedia] Worse Timing

[Zane]

81st of Zi'da, arc 717

It had been a peaceful trial, probably the most peaceful in a while. Zane had guard duty, and (un)fortunately, nothing crazy was happening. All of the excitement seemed to have died down as the season was coming to an end and the trial when the sun would no longer shine across the sky was coming closer and closer. The young man of messy hair liked the sun, and he liked seeing bright yellow streams fill the blueness of the heavens in the first moments of the morning. Much like this rather unspecific morning, when he woke up as early as ever, ready to take on the world, and hopefully take his oath this trial. They had been prolonging his promotion for weeks now, and he was certain that it would come soon enough. Anytime now. Any trill. Nope, still not here. He checked again, moving his head in an unnatural way to look behind him, at the gate of Drakengard, just to see the street empty of people, with one stray cat walking around. That damn stray cat, several people have already complained about it pooping everywhere. And who did they send those complaining townsfolk? To the greenest of the greens, to the unwanteds and rejects. To the airmen. Because sailor recruits worked on board ships, unlike airmen, while knight squires worked actual knight-related jobs, unlike airmen, who then got stuck with everything else. Oh did he just want to do the whole vow thing and start flying. But for some reason, they kept denying him the opportunity. Maybe it had something to do with him coming to the first trial of work in Astedia high, maybe it had something to do with him constantly drinking on the job and not exactly following orders. Maybe it had nothing to do with any of those things, he supposed he would never know.

Finally, for the seventieth time since the sun rose to the skies like a ship flowing across the ocean, making bright waves of all colours from yellow to red spread out everywhere, the boy looked behind him once again, but this time, there was someone there. A very big someone, he noted in himself, though he said nothing, seeing how he was yelled at several times already for making 'dumb' and 'offensive' comments to strangers passing the gate. He, most of the time, just couldn't help himself. Something seemed like it needed to be said, so he said it, but this time he assumed he shouldn't do it, considering one trial without any errors on his part might just mean a promotion. But he really wanted to say something, considering the person had a stomach the size of a cow, and the face of one too. She didn't seem all too well, now that he was looking at her instead of in front of himself. The other airman noticed as well. Gayn, his name was. Oh, did he have his fun with Gayn. Inspiration just flew through his mind from the moment he heard the name, in fact. Gayn even rhymed with Zane, so he could have double the fun. It was just fun galore, he thought as the woman, or what he thought was a woman and not a cow on two legs, made her way, slowly but not so surely towards him. She looked like she was saying something. Or just inhaling in a rather strange way. But then again, her face and stomach were strange, who could blame her if her breathing was the same.

"Hey, lass, you alright there?" He yelled out as he moved towards her, causing Gayn to stare uncomfortably at him, suggesting he might just get fired for leaving his post. It was either getting fired or a promotion, one of those things had to happen sometime soon, Zane thought as he approached the cow-lady. He wanted to call her a lady, for her stature and clothing suggested she was of a richer origin, but no lady he'd ever met looked as much like a cow as this one, thus he opted for the more general term, 'lass'. The young man of messy hair did, in fact, know that the woman wasn't an abomination of nature, a two-legged cow, but rather pregnant, he just liked to let his imagination take him places, instead of always thinking of the most logical thing first. Who knew, one trial he may actually be right with his crazy assumptions!

[Celeste Andaris]

Celeste was no longer pregnant.

No, she had gone past the point of pregnant and she had joined the ranks of the hugely pregnant. No longer was there any doubt in her mind that she was either having more than one baby or, she was about to get torn apart by an abomination bursting its way out. A very large abomination, to boot. The doctor had told her from early on, but Celeste had ignored him, then he had continued to tell her and she had continued to mostly ignore him and now, she had got to the point that she could ignore him no longer. Yes, she was very, very pregnant.

Which meant that, since the debacle that had been the Venora charity gala, Celeste had been at home and resting. Moving had become an issue for her, getting up out of the chair was a major job of work. She had no doubt that Xander was entirely to blame and she spent at least half of her time trying to work out some way that she could avoid the whole birth thing, which sounded dreadfully uncomfortable.

Yet, totrial, she felt different. Like she had to move, had a whole burst of energy which she could not contain. It was like nothing the young heiress had ever experienced before and she had not recognised it for what it was. So, Celeste Andaris had decided that it would be a good idea to go for a walk. Just a brief one, she thought, but it would be nice. Besides, she had the energy and how long had it been since she'd seen the outside?

So, for a walk she went. She'd taken a small basket with her and used it to store the flowers she had picked. Xander would like them, the fuzzy-brained woman thought. Why she thought that she couldn't quite say because he didn't normally like flowers, but these would be different. She and he hadn't been outside together for such a long time, he'd appreciate them, she was sure.

Except.

Picking flowers meant a lot of bending and standing and Celeste simply was not up to it. She'd walked too far and exerted herself too much and now she thought she might die. She certainly could not breathe. Then, she heard a voice and a young man asked her if she was alright. With a slight shake of her head, letting him know that no, she was not alright at all, Celeste Andaris reached out a hand to the young man who seemed to be at the end of a very long tunnel and as she fainted, she more or less fell into him. She was out no more than a moment, before her eyes fluttered open, but in the moment, there was an unconscious Baroness in Zane's arms.

[Zane]

It was honest work, truly, and anyone who did it should be proud of himself, but Zane simply felt uninterested in it. Guarding a bloody gate, where was the excitement, the danger, the thrills?! So, when the woman appeared on the horizon, he jumped at the opportunity of something actually worth his time happening, and basically ran towards her when she shook her head in response. Surely helping this woman would prove more of a challenge than sitting by the gate and watching squirrels play in their natural habitat just outside the city of Drakengard. Perhaps she acknowledged that she was a cow-woman and wanted help with reversing the curse an Immortal threw at her and made her this way, Zane hoped, for that would mean there would be a hunt for an artefact of power that could change her into a normal, perhaps even beautiful lady. He, unlike most people who were surely about to go on a treasure hunt, didn't care much about the treasure part of it, at least not more than he cared about the hunt part. He wanted to enjoy himself more than get rewarded, for life was about the journey, not the destination. Alas, the woman didn't seem like the curse-acknowledging type, and thus she would most likely just have a trivial, unintriguing problem he would still help her with. After all, even getting a cat off a tree would be more interesting than watching squirrels in the forest.

But as she got closer to him, the boy's eyes widened in realization. He knew the woman, and unfortunately, she most probably knew him. Except she hopefully didn't recognize him just by face, and would require his name to remember him. Her name was Celeste, and she was the baroness of the whole damn city they were standing in. And not just that, but she was also the wife of Xander Andaris, his superior at the moment, and the man he agitated on his first trial of work. Xander, no doubt, told his wife about the airman who arrived three breaks late and was under the influence of narcotics. Just as Zane was about to turn around and forget about helping the baroness with whatever problem she had, convinced that she knew that he thought of her as a cow-woman, and convinced that just turning around would definitely be the smartest choice in this situation, the woman began her not-so-graceful fall to the ground, and his first instinct was to let her fall and hope she hit her head hard enough for her to forget she ever saw him, but then his brain kicked in, and he caught her under her armpits, his knees buckling under the pressure of a fully pregnant woman, and they both fell onto the ground, he on his arse, and her head on his thigh. Zane, despite being more muscular than fat, wasn't that strong, and thus he couldn't really move her up, although before he even got a chance, her eyes flew open and a surprised expression filled her face. At least he thought, or rather hoped, it was surpise.

"My Lady, are you alright?" He would ask swiftly, assisting her in getting on her feet, if she so desired, and seeming totally worried and definitely not like he was faking it. In truth, he only wanted this conversation to be over before it started, so she didn't get a chance to hear his name, and thus realize he was who he was.

[Celeste Andaris]

As she came to, Celeste realised that she was laying on the floor resting on a man's legs. Furthermore this was not her husband and she was outside. Oh, please, just let her die now, she thought to herself as consciousness swirled into her. She was mortified with embarrassment, right there, and Celeste cursed herself. However, she had a situation and she needed to deal with it, so deal with it she would. "I'm sorry, I appear to have fainted." She said, rather pointlessly. "I am Celeste, you.. I know you."

Usually, Celeste would be able to name each of her employees upon sight without thought or pause, but the pregnancy which had her so very indisposed and unlike herself also meant that she found thinking more difficult. "Zane. That's right, you're Zane, aren't you?" She gave a slight smile and then closed her eyes again. "This is horrifically embarrassing."

And, of course, the embarrassment was only just beginning.

Because as she looked around and the sight of Gayne came into view, also, Celeste realised that she was, of course on the floor. Now, she had known that before, but how was she going to get up without these men helping her? Her stomach was stretched beyond the human limit and she simply couldn't. Every bit of training she had, every moment of political discussion flew through her head in an instant and she found herself completely without a clue of what to do.

So, she had to put politics aside, etiquette and training all left her and instead, she pulled herself up to sitting and she looked at Zane with a very genuine expression on her face as though she was lost. She felt it, in truth. "Zane, I'm afraid I don't know if I can get up. And I really don't want to create the kind of fuss that would have guards and all sorts rushing over." Celeste was a young woman, in her early twenties and, sitting on the ground and looking at the young man who worked for her, she looked it.

"Would you help me up, please?" Celeste asked and then added, very quickly. "But, if you do not feel you can, then we can go with the fuss, it's fine. I would just really rather not."

[Zane]

I appear to have fainted, the woman said as the light returned to her eyes and the boy was assured she would not be meeting his Immortal to-trial. It would've been an awful way to end his career, with his boss randomly dying in his arms, or rather on his lap, as he was unable to get up from under her. And just as Zane thought for but the slightest moment that he would get out of here clean and successful, the woman mentioned her name, and then...she remembered him. The two had never actually spoken before, thus the boy hoped she wouldn't care enough to remember some tale or other her husband told her as they let the darkness of night overtake their windows. He simply nodded as the woman said his name, ever-hopeful that she did not remember who exactly this Zane youngster was. Truth be told, he was only an arc or two away from her age, but her pregnancy, at least the young man assumed it was the pregnancy, had made her look ten arcs older. Or perhaps she naturally looked like a cow, and she only got pregnant so she could cover it up. What was even more disturbing than the woman's face, however, was the lack of smugness in her cheeks and in the motions of her lips. She was a noble, wasn't she? Well, where was the smugness then? Didn't all nobles have to be smug during their work breaks, or else they would get fired by their parents, and the older nobles would seek new children, up to the smugging task? The woman said something about embarrassment, but at this point, Zane wasn't listening, he was just trying to silently remove his legs from under her so he could run away before she remembered. Deserting the army would be better than having to look upon the smug face of this cow when she realized he was the boy that gave her husband a headache. Oh boy.

Gayne, on the other hand, had a good chuckle seeing his slightly older comrade meet his fate on the ground as he stood up straight. The younger squire hadn't had much of the experience in dealing with nobles that Zane had, for some reason, thus wasn't equally aware of how much the higher end citizens of the fine country hated being chuckled at. He simply stood there, with a slight smirk on his dumb face, as he stared at the awkwardness that went on between his fellow soldier, his brother-in-arms, his best friend, and the woman he was supposed to despise for having more money than him. Zane truly couldn't blame him, in all honesty, considering he would've done the same had the cards been switched, and he had, actually, done something rather similar just earlier that trial. He chuckled at the boy's name being called by one of the senior stewards, as they shouted for him to take their shift. Whoever that person was seemed rather pleased that he could shout at someone named Gayne, and because of it, Zane felt it right to chuckle along. It wasn't right, by the Fates, and he would've done anything to reverse it, only so the squire would come help him, come release him from this cursed body, come get him away from the cow-woman. Anything. He would do anything.

"O-of course, me'lady." He said, noticing not the words that came from the woman, but her expression of embarrassment. She hadn't noticed yet. He could still walk out of here unscathed, perfectly alright, with his dignity as high in the air as possible, and give that little shitrat of a soldier a rant on how not to treat his fellows and betters when they're under extreme duress, as he obviously had been. Great strength was necessary to move a pregnant woman, or a cow, or a monster made by the Immortals only to spite whoever that creature decided to fall on top of. And great strength was what he got. It was as if Vri himself entered his biceps and triceps and quadceps and every other cep in his body, and gave it the push equal to every commoner's fear of death, and every noble's fear of poverty combined. And as that great, unnatural power called adrenaline moved through his bloodstream, the boy engaged in what he would later call the greatest physical effort of the century as he pushed the woman's back, as gently as he should, but as roughly as he could without the abomination noticing, and moved the woman up to her feet, making all manners of grunting and huffing noises in the process, probably killing her ego dead and beating it some more, as Gayne couldn't contain his laughter anymore. The young fellow burst out, and immediately turned around, covering his mouth with both of his hands, as if one wasn't enough, only to be heard (probably) miles around as he laughed the most intense laugh anyone had ever laughed, due to the expression that was found on Zane's face. It was pure agony, looking like he was roaring the roar of a million tigers, pushing his eyes as far out as he could. And finally, the woman was up, and the boy, nearly passing out from overclocking his muscles that way, fell on his butt once more, this time in relief. Gayne, on the other hand, having never believed that the young airman would manage on his own, turned around with an expression of awe, and stopped laughing as soon as he realized that the woman the dark-haired boy helped up was the boss of his boss. It had been a rough couple of bits, for everyone involved.

[Celeste Andaris]

The young man, Zane, he stammered an of course, which just made Celeste feel even worse at his obvious embarrassment. "I'm so sorry," she said, apparently perfectly seriously. "I know this kind of thing happens to you all the time and is just dull for you, but I assure you, it's a first for me." Sense of humour, Zane? No, Celeste concluded, apparently not. But in fairness to him, he planted his arms on her back and he pushed her up to the very best of his ability. Celeste stood, feet planted firmly apart and she did her best to help him with what must be quite the task, she was sure. She let out a grunt of surprise, and then, just when she thought that the Immortals were all in the mood for a chuckle to-trial and she was about to tip forward like some kind of deranged child's play thing, she was standing up.

And then, she looked between the two of them. Zane, sitting once again on the floor and Gayne laughing. Laughing when the young man sitting here had just been landed on by a pregnant woman and then had to hoist said pregnant woman up single handedly. Celeste looked at Gayne with a single arched eyebrow and she opened her mouth to speak. It was her full intention to give him quite the telling off and she had her best haughty look prepared, too. She opened her mouth and a snort, unlike any noise she had ever made before in her life as far as she could tell, exited her nose. Then, suddenly, laughter began to overwhelm her and Celeste Andaris, heiress to the Duchy of Andaris and all round snooty pain in the ass, guffawed like she was twelve arcs old and someone had broken wind in the temple on a dare.

"Oh, oh, I'm so sorry. Please... I need to sit down." She motioned to the small guard hut and she made her way into it. "I am... oh, I'm so sorry." She was still laughing, tears running down her cheeks and Celeste looked, she had no doubt, an absolute mess. Sitting on the stool, she couldn't quite help the glance around at the place. They evidently didn't have a cleaner was her first thought and that provoked another bark of laughter. What was wrong with her? "Gayne, please, would you do me the great favour of going and fetching my husband or Lin, please?" She smiled at him and he, realising that this was indeed his boss' boss (and maybe more than that), said "Yes, my lady, of course." Then. Like the rat he undoubtedly was, he legged it.

Celeste meanwhile, turned to Zane. "I don't suppose you have the means to make a very embarrassed woman a cup of tea do you?" Then, with an expression which told of just how sorry she was, she added, "I do hope I didn't hurt you." And for reasons she didn't understand, she laughed again.

[Zane]

This kind of thing happens to you all the time, she said. Zane, if he had any money to bet on things, would've bet all of it on the guesstimation that Iron Hand officers get to deal with this sort of situation once in a lifetime. How many pregnant cows were there in this kingdom? Thankfully, he did not say that out loud, and he gave his best to help the lady however he could. Well, on the bright side, at least he could call himself special, for he just lifted the boss of his boss from a helpless position on the ground. Perhaps if one was to view that metaphorically, that was grounds for a promotion. It was quite the effort he put, literally, into lifting the heiress of Andaris. Who could claim the same? He practically saved her life. She owed him a life debt, pretty much. Only he wasn't brave enough to say that out loud. She'd probably have him whipped if he did say that. Nobles don't like owing things to commoners, the boy knew, and thus he kept quiet after he fell to the ground. Gayn was having the time of his life, he was sure, and just as he was about to get revenge on that little son of a crossbow, a strange noise exited Celeste's facial area. Was she actually a cow? Was he right all along, and his deepest conspiracy theory was correct from the beginning? And the whole capital duchy was soon to be ruled by an Immortal-damned cow? He couldn't hold his mouth hard enough with both his hands, and thus he started laughing along too. All three of them stood there, laughing, for but a moment, all for their different reasons, seemingly pointlessly.

The lady spoke once more, not in laughter this time, although Zane was on the verge of laughing through her yet another sentence. If he wasn't watching her carefully, he would've thought it was a nice little joke, but she seemed rather serious. How did he know whether or not to laugh? Was she seriously serious? Sitting down right now, after she had just gotten up? Only a pregnant cow could think of something as humiliating for the boy. He put in so much effort, the effort of a thousand papa tigers hunting for their cubs, and she would just go sit down again? She was still laughing though, as she sat down, and the boy was even more clueless now. Was it the fact that she was pregnant, or that she was a woman, that was causing all of this? He had very little experience with women, and even less with pregnant people, thus he truly couldn't tell. The woman sent Gayn, the poor guy, whom butt Zane was going to kick so hard after the future duchess was gone, to fetch her husband, or whom else, and the worst fear, or rather the only fear Zane had at that very moment, came to life. He was alone, in that small hut, with a pregnant noblewoman. As if being a woman, and then on top of that being a noble wasn't enough, she had to be pregnant.

"Apologies, me'lady, I don't." He said, almost hoping that she'd send him off to fetch her a cup of tea from a local tavern. Why couldn't she just do that, he thought, but unfortunately, his thoughts were interrupted by her words once more. How should he answer her now, he wondered as she laughed once more, out of the blue. You didn't hurt me, me'lady, would've been the perfectly appropriate answer for the situation, but he couldn't bring himself to say it. Something was stuck in his throat, making it awfully painful to breathe, much less speak. Oh, he just wanted this all to be over. He was fearless, ready to die at any moment without a single worry in the world, but this whole scene was making him nauseated.