21st Ymiden 716
As Malcolm departed. Elyna shamelessly used her horse to support herself as she watched him ride away. With an arm wrapped around the warm neck finally turned her face against it and gathered herself. He was so angry and she was exhausted and tired once more, of fighting with him. Time passed and when she could breathe again, the Skyrider mounted up. She stared after him in the twilight, resisting the urge to follow him again. Finally, she found the strength to turn Ember around and rode back at a much gentler pace to the house. Looking behind her at every few bits of time, hopeful that Malcolm might change his mind. He didn’t.Back at the paddock Elyna took time to rub the horse down after the sudden charge to action without warming any of the animal’s muscles. She laid out extra hay and dug out some oats for the horse, fussing over her and cooing. Next she collected the Hawk and put him in the makeshift pen again, securing him against foxes or anything else that thought the injured bird would make an easy meal. It was then she made the return to the tree and reclaimed her bow and quiver of arrows. Trudging back down the hill in the twilight she stood staring at the door. Malcolm wasn’t in the bedroom resting; and she missed him already. Elyna put away her belongings, stoked the fire and stood in the centre of the main room. It was so easy for the world to fall apart. She would have taken back the last trials she’d spent him with if she could. She would have done everything differently if it had meant he would have stayed.
Why didn’t he believe that she loved him? She had never been anything other than truthful and honest. He’d stripped away all of her ways of coping, she couldn’t drink, couldn’t train, couldn’t lose herself with a stranger – not that she wanted to. She was lost.
No matter how she tried to prepare herself against grief and loss, it hit like lightning and struck her down. Blind she stumbled to the bedroom and fell onto the bed. There was nothing she could do with the pain that coursed through her veins and she crumpled, crying. The sobs rose from the depths of her being and they overtook her. Everything she had been holding onto since the morning Yoreth had left came out in a flood that wouldn’t be stilled. Finally, she was welcomed into the sweet oblivion of sleep.
But not for long.
Elyna woke, throat sore and eyes scratchy, two breaks before the dawn and she lurched from the bed. Actions had always meant more to Malcolm than words. She crossed the room and back to the kitchen, her fingertips trailed over the worktops until she found what she was looking for and curled her fingers around the sharp knife she’d used for cutting meat.
Dawn broke and the Skyrider lent back from the table, her head was thumping with lack of sleep and concentration. She stared down at the result of her labour and let out a soft sigh, it still wouldn’t be enough. Nothing she did would ever be enough, but it was a start.
Another bright and sunny morning, Elyna bathed and dressed in the green dress she should have long returned to the Baroness in Krome. It was difficult to part with though. Malcolms medallion rested against her chest, until she tucked it away beneath her shirt. She pinned her hair up and found herself staring at the changed reflection in the mirror. This was not the same person who had started the season. Her bottom lip trembled, so she bit it. She was still a fighter.
Elyna passed the post over to the man who stopped by at the gate and returned once more to the house and poured boiling water with shaking hands into a mug of tea leaves and ginger. With the mug cupped between her hands she sat down on the front step of the house, watching the horizon, her heart in her throat every time a rider crested the horizon. She was worried about his stiches, and if he’d found a room for the night. If she’d hadn’t been so overwhelmed with misery, she doubted she would have slept the few breaks she had managed, drained from crying her eyes out. So far, she had to admit, pregnancy sucked. She took a sip of tea, hopeful that she’d be able to eat something later in the morning without rejecting it. Although she recognised that the last few arcs she hadn’t been the most emotionally stable person in the world, she could also recognise that she was all over the place. Partially down to circumstances and stress, partially the weight she’d been carrying her heart for so long, but part was also the hormones that sent her swinging down at the slightest word.
