20 Saun, 716
Lei'lira looked out the window. One of her grandmother's servants was working on a garden that her window looked out into. If she opened her window, she would be able to smell the strong, sweet smell of the red roses growing on the archway that led into the garden. The gardener was pruning those roses. She didn't know that much about roses. But she remembered her mother saying once that it was better to prune them than to allow them to grow wild. Lei'lira wasn't sure why that would be, but she could see that allowing them to grow wild would destroy the beautiful shape they made, covering the arch as they did.
Even as she continued to watch the gardener work, Lei'lira knew that she that she was simply trying to distract herself from her own thoughts. There was a lot of irony in her current situation. Thirteen trials ago, she would have done anything to be given entry into her grandmother's house. Lazuli was here, and she had been desperate to see her twin; to be there for her, and help her in any way that she could. Now nothing stood in the way of seeking her twin out. Nothing...and everything.
Lei'lira sighed. So much had happened in those thirteen trials. It felt like an eternity ago that Lei'lira had actually wanted to be here. Now she longed for the safety of her home back in Warrick. The farm was familiar...safe. Lei'lira desperately longed to feel safe again.
When she had come here before, she had been turned away. She had been told in no uncertain terms that she was a useless burden to her sister, and that Lazuli didn't want to see her. Perhaps it was true; especially now. She still wanted to help her twin if Lazuli needed her, but she doubted that she could be of any use to anyone. She couldn't even help herself when she had needed it the most; so how could she expect to be able to help anyone else? Would Lazuli blame her for what had happened if she knew about it? It would only be fitting if she did. She blamed herself, so why shouldn't everyone else?
Lei'lira froze when she heard footsteps outside her door, barely even daring to breathe. Hushed voiced murmured quietly. Lei'lira couldn't hear them clearly enough to know exactly what was said, but she did hear her name mentioned a few times, and the speaker's tone was one of disapproval. The second speaker's tone was curious, possibly even concerned. Lei'lira knew that she had given them reason to be curious. When Uncle Victor brought her here, her injuries were healing, but they were still clearly visible. Some of them could be hidden, but some could not. Nor could the fact that she had lost considerable weight be hidden, or easily explained away. Her vague mention of bandits hadn't offered much in the way of information. Fortunately, her grandmother had seen something in her expression, and had ordered the servants to show her to a room where she could rest.
That was three trials ago, and Lei'lira had thankfully been left alone. A servant brought meals to her, and returned to take the dishes away. Most of the time, the dishes were nearly as full as they had been when they were brought to her. Her appetite was nonexistent now. She usually forced herself to choke down a few bites from each meal to prevent the offers to bring a healer to see her from becoming demands that she see one. But fear of rejection, and worry over what her family would think if they knew what the bandits had done to her twisted her stomach whenever she thought about it...which was all the time. It was very ironic that she would have given anything for a bit of food when she'd been a captive, but now that she had all she could possibly eat offered to her freely, and her stomach twisted itself into knots at the sight of it. More than once, she lost the battle against her nausea, and anything she did manage to eat came back up soon after she ate it.
The people talking outside her door left, and Lei'lira breathed a deep sigh of relief. She didn't want to see anyone now. Being alone was...safe. It meant that no one was trying to hurt her, or ask her questions that they didn't really want the answers to. Dangerous questions that would hurt them as much as they hurt her. When she was alone, her secrets were hers to keep.
She had asked to see Lazuli the day after she arrived, but had been told that her sister still didn't want to see her. Unlike before, when she'd wondered if her grandmother was trying to keep them apart for some reason, she believed them. So she hadn't asked again. Instead, she spent her time staring out the window, thinking. Trying to decide what to do if they found out what happened to her. What would she do if she was pregnant? Was there any way of hiding it if she was? Could she really succeed in keeping everything from her family...from Lazuli? Perhaps it was best that her sister didn't want to see her. She didn't think she could hide anything from Lazuli if she asked about it outright, but if she didn't ask, then she wouldn't have to know. Several times a day, she would bathe in the hottest water she could stand, scrubbing her skin raw each time in a desperate attempt to feel clean again. It never worked, but if the servants heard the sounds of her bathing, they left her alone.
The gardener had moved onto another task. He was carefully tending to a flowering bush that formed the walls of the garden outside her window. Lei'lira watched him work, allowing the beauty of the garden to soothe her wounded spirit a little. She lost herself as she watched him, falling into an unthinking daze. It was easier not to think; less painful. But she was brought back to herself when someone knocked at her door.
Lei'lira frowned at the door in wary confusion. Normally, when one of the servants brought her a meal, they simply came in, and left it on the table. Her grandmother hadn't come to see her since she arrived, and Lei'lira was glad for that. So who would knock on her door...and why? Lei'lira wasn't at all certain that she wanted to know, but after a few trills of hesitation, she responded.
"Come in." she called softly.
