Welcome to Welles

A settlement east of Rynmere across a stretch of water called 'the eastern trench' broken into three regions: Welles, Oakleigh, and Berwick.
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Atashi
Approved Character
Posts: 190
Joined: Tue Oct 25, 2016 1:16 am
Race: Frog Person
Profession: Knight, Blacksmith
Renown: 70
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Wealth Tier: Tier 1

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The attack connected to his own surprise, he had honestly thought that Malcolm would have seen it coming, but Kylar had done a good job of keeping him busy. He felt ever so proud of himself for a moment after knocking the man to his knees, only for a moment however. The scraping of metal on metal ceased his proudness. Looking up from his shield, he saw nothing. He instead looked down, to where he had tackled Ser Malcolm. He was bleeding. He stared in disbelief for a moment, surely he hadn't cut Ser Malcolm? Investigating the scene further, he finally noticed the man stood before the kneeling Malcolm, his sword pointed to his throat. He nearly leaped at the man himself, before noticing that Ser Elyna had already taken care of that.

Unsure, Atashi dropped his training sword, taking hold of his hammer's handle. What was going? Had this man tried to assassinate Ser Malcolm? He stood at the ready, unsure of what course of action to take. Ser Malcolm made short work of the man's blade, disarming him in a swift motion, Kylar helped him to his feet and waited at the ready also. Why hadn't Atashi noticed this man strolling into the fight? In fact - at all? Never had he seen him before now. Was it that he was too absorbed in his self-loathing to notice? In fact, after taking a better look around he acknowledged Crimson's presence also, sure he'd seen her before but had taken it in his stride, only now did he question her being here. Snapping back to focus, Atashi kept his eye on the man that had attacked Ser Malcolm, awaiting orders.

Nothing came of it immediately however, Ser Malcolm simply returned to his position prior to the start of the sparring without breathing a word to Ser Elyna, he clearly trusted her to handle it herself, not that Atashi doubted the Captain's ability. Picking up his training sword once more, Atashi readied himself before jumping into the sparring match again, ready to give it his all.

By the time they had finished he had all but exhausted his anger, that or he'd buried it for another day. The three of them looked to have given it all their effort, he for one would certainly be aching the next day. The warden ended the match and promptly left after doing so. He felt a little more comfortable in the Warden's presence after that, in honesty. Kylar then bid Atashi a farewell, claiming he was too tired to continue. Atashi dismissed it, he knew that wasn't the truth for two reasons, he knew when Kylar was lying and they'd trained in the past - Kylar was for more durable than that. Regardless, he couldn't be bothered to get worked up over it, he let the Lotharro to his own business and made his way to his tent, putting away the training sword on the way. As he slithered through the camp, he realised something - He'd forgotten to find some food for Lash.
word count: 522
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Nymph
Prophet of Old
Posts: 1093
Joined: Mon Mar 14, 2016 2:57 am
Race: Lotharro
Renown: 0
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Wealth Tier: Tier 1

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Malcolm:
  • Knowledge:
    • Elyna: Her Love of the Sky
    • Xanthea: Used in the Eastern Settlement
    • Qe’Dreki: Use Ancient Torture Methods
    • Qe’Dreki: Sending a Message with Marcus’ Ring
    • Location: Eastern Settlement
    • Location: Pyke
    • Location: Welles
    • Crimson: Kylar’s Wife
    • Sintih: Part of the Volunteer Group
    • Tactics: A Few Trained Soldiers are Better than Many Untrained Soldiers
    • Dual Wielding: Parry More
    • Dual Wielding: The ‘X’ Sword Formation
    • Dual Wielding: Better in the Classroom
    • Tactics: Encircling the Enemy
    Loot: None
    Injuries: None
    Fame: None

    Story: 4/5
    Collaboration: 5/5
    Structure: 5/5

    Magic Points: None
Comment: For the most part, well done with the story. I am a little concerned about the fact that you took Sintih’s strike with a “live blade” when he specifically went through the motions of tying his scabbard in a fashion that prevented it from being sharp. You neglected this and made it appear as if he was actually trying to kill you when in fact he had made a sparring blade with his scabbard. I am deducting a point in story for this manipulation and lack of acknowledgement in conjunction with my comments for the group.
- - -
Faith:
  • Knowledge:
    • Tactics: Meant to be Understood by Militants
    • Padraig: Unused to her Silence
    • Cooking: Feeding the Army with a Hearty Meal
    • Cooking: Spices are Needed on the Road
    • Location: Eastern Settlement
    • Location: Pyke
    • Location: Welles
    • Sintih: Amongst the Soldiers
    • Race: Lotharro
    • Crimson: Kylar’s Wife
    Loot: None
    Injuries: None
    Fame: None

    Story: 4/5
    Collaboration: 5/5
    Structure: 5/5

    Magic Points: None
- - -
Kylar:
  • Knowledge:
    • Stealth: Keeping a Low Profile
    • Faith: No Different than Everyone Else
    • Location: Eastern Settlement
    • Location: Pyke
    • Location: Welles
    • Crimson: Wife
    • Crimson: A Comfort on the Front Lines
    • Atashi: Friend and Comrade
    • Tactics: Circling Around your Opponent
    • Blades: Practice with your Weak Hand
    • Sintih: Squire of Gawyne
    • Sintih: Untrustworthy
    Loot: -1 Stiletto Knife (Given to Crimson)
    Injuries: None
    Fame: None

    Story: 4/5
    Collaboration: 5/5
    Structure: 5/5

    Magic Points: None
- - -
Atashi:
  • Knowledge:
    • Kylar: A Friend Worth Protecting
    • Kylar: Two-Faced?
    • Mount: The Use of a Trained Horse to an Ithaca
    • Stealth: Keeping a Low Profile
    • Tactics: Circling Around your Opponent
    • Faith: The Eyes of the Blind
    • Location: Eastern Settlement
    • Location: Pyke
    • Location: Welles
    • Elyna: A Noble
    • Elyna: Scares of Snakes
    • Malcolm: Dual Wielder of Swords
    Loot: None
    Injuries: None
    Fame: None

    Story: 4/5
    Collaboration: 5/5
    Structure: 5/5

    Magic Points: None
Comments: I am very curious about the relationship that Kylar and Atashi have. Clearly there is a disconnect between the two and it amuses me greatly. Anyways, I wanted to drop a quick reminder to read the posts thoroughly, as I described in my main comments. I’m not sure where the blood came from in your post, so that may have been misinterpreted. Just be careful in the future as this confuses the reader.
- - -
Elyna:
  • Knowledge:
    • Location: Eastern Settlement
    • Location: Pyke
    • Location: Welles
    • Mount (Volareon): Cleaning, Feeding, Bedding Down
    • Medicine: Treating a Sore on an Animal
    • Atashi: The Snake Man
    • Atashi: Able to Reduce You to Jelly Due to Your Fear
    • Kylar: Skrider
    • Malcolm: Not Normally a Dual Wielder
    • Race: Ithecal
    • Sintih: Breaking the Rules of the Spar
    • Sintih: Squire to Gawyne
    • Tactics: Punishing a Soldier
    Loot: None
    Injuries: None
    Fame: None

    Story: 4/5
    Collaboration: 5/5
    Structure: 5/5

    Magic Points: None
- - -
Padraig:
  • Knowledge:
    • Mount (Horse): Finding a Quality Mount
    • Intelligence: Spending What Little Time Left in the City
    • Faith: Light as a Feather
    • Location: Eastern Settlement
    • Location: Pyke
    • Location: Welles
    Loot: None
    Injuries: None
    Fame: None

    Story: 2/5
    Collaboration: 1/5
    Structure: 5/5

    Magic Points: None
Comments: Don’t know what happened to you in this thread Padraig. Would have really enjoyed seeing your character more. As such, your skill points reflect your participation in this thread.
- - -
Sintih:
  • Knowledge:
    • Faith: The Woman Beyond Your Reach
    • Stealth: Keeping a Low Profile
    • Kylar: A Knight of Andaris
    • Location: Eastern Settlement
    • Location: Pyke
    • Location: Welles
    • Tactics: Soldiers Should Leave the Wives at Home
    • Blades: Making a Training Sword with a Scabbard
    • Elyna: High Ranked Skyrider
    Loot: None
    Injuries: None
    Fame: None

    Story: 4/5
    Collaboration: 5/5
    Structure: 5/5

    Magic Points: None
Comments: Great work Sintih. I love your writing. I would just like you to keep in mind your skill level with your sword. I get how you may have attempted a ‘killing blow’ with your tactics, but a smart mind cannot wield a blade as well as a dumb soldier. Do be careful in the future of that for me.
- - -
Crimson:
  • Knowledge:
    • Location: Eastern Settlement
    • Location: Pyke
    • Location: Welles
    • Kylar: The Fear of Losing Him
    • Kylar: Husband
    • Kylar: The Warmth of his Hug
    • Malcolm: Kylar’s Commander
    • Elyna: Works with Malcolm
    • Race: Lotharro
    • Faith: Chef
    Loot: +1 Stiletto Knife (Gift from Kylar)
    Injuries: None
    Fame: None

    Story: 4/5
    Collaboration: 3/5
    Structure: 5/5

    Magic Points: None
- - -
Comments: Ultimately, the story was a basic meet and greet, get settled for the march on the Qe’Dreki. I felt that there were several points where things were missed that had been previously stated, or neglected. I want to point out that Sintih created a crude training sword, and this appeared to be neglected by several parties. If there is any confusion in the future of how someone responded when it was written another way, please contact that person to clear up the confusion or contact a Prophet.

Maybe there was a lot going on, but this thread had many opportunities to add to the story, including adding more to the spar or expanding on Sintih’s punishment (another thread maybe?). Since the story itself was basic, I deducted a point from everyone with further justifications to specific characters. I look forward to watching what happens in the rest of this campaign.

If you feel I've missed anything or if you have questions about your review, please don't hesitate to send me a quick PM. Thank you!
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I'm bad, and that's good. I will never be good, and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be then me.
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