• Graded • [Uthaldria] The hard truth

[Varthakh]

13th of Zi'da

Tonight was a night of exploration and testing; a chance to look over everything he'd become beneath the magnifying glass. His journey from Rynmere had been a long one, losing all his totems and starting over in a land he didn't understand. Until now, he hadn't really reflected on everything that had happened in the past two arcs or so. He'd almost assassinate a king accidentally, escaped prison, nearly been executed by a band of the most hardcore hunters in existence, nearly died countless times in the fields of Gauthrel, killed two lurkers and countless other monsters... But he'd also discovered the love of his life, made the man he loved his kindal, made many friends and allies, like Aeon and Kayleigh. And even though he'd lost Alistair now, he'd find him again, right? Especially now that the Kriger were helping him look.

In the meantime, he had a child to raise and a lifetime of trauma to reflect on. Right now, he experimented with some of the abilities he'd discovered just before he left on his quest to find Bellator. His Willow Redbear form was sat opposite him. He'd discovered that his totem wasn't able to use becoming like he could. Neither could he use Echo on the living totem, he met a barrier that prevented the investment of ether. There were still plenty of tests to go, however.

With various other totems and abilities, he met the same block. Adapt didn't work at all. He couldn't use unleash to turn his totem into another animal, couldn't borrow or even assimilate other totems into the bear... Over all, the guardian was sort of stiff. "Sorry buddy... Doesn't look like I'll be giving you Solghannon jaws or Trachadon legs anytime soon." He speaks, to which the bear grunts and lowers its his head. He extends a single affectionate lick along Fridgar's face from chin to forehead. The Lothar thankfully shut his mouth and eyes in time, but didn't otherwise react. After he stepped back, he looked the bear up and down. Then his eyes fell to the totem he held in his hand.

"...I think I can manage summoning another Guardian... You know." He thought aloud to the Redbear while he held his own totem in his palm. The bear Grunted quite loudly, drawing a glance from the Lothar. The bear shook his head, no. "No?" The bear nodded. "Why? I'd quite like to know how two totems act around each other and I'm not even tired... Honest." The Lothar tried to reason with the bear. "Don't you want a friend?" he asked one last time. Again, the bear shook his head and dropped to all fours, taking a step closer to him. The bear pressed his giant head into the Lothar's chest/shoulder area and exhaled through his nose. Fridgar pet the bear idly while he studied the totem.

Then, disregarding the warnings, he poured the last of his ether into the totem... And it kept drinking, spending ether he didn't have. Fridgar's eyes widen in shock as his spark pulses and strains, cracking and corrupting from his reckless overstepping. He bares his teeth as a heavy headache pulses and throbs his brain against the confines of his skull, then screams. His totem falls to the floor shortly before he does, then unfurls and explodes with muscle, blood, bone and skin... Constructing his own form before his very eyes. The bear growls, then lowers his head in disappointment as he lays his head on Fridgar. The floored Lothar backs up a little and slumps himself against the wall, holding his head through a hard grimace.

How? Every other time he'd overstepped, he'd been in the heat of battle fighting for his life or the life of a friend. How, in his own back garden, did he overstep? While he presses his large palm to his own eye, he lifts the other to his self totem, then freezes. Kneeling over him, holding its head just inches from his own, was his own body, his own face baring a smirk as it looks him in the eye. "It's about time we had a talk, champ." His totem speaks first, then extends a hand. Fridgar, barely conscious through the stormy sea of pain that crashed and rolled in his head, replies. "Talk...?"

[Varthakh]

The totem simply nods, grinning with bared, sharp teeth. After retracting its offered hand, it speaks "we've been ignoring this since before our mate ran off, you know." Fridgar groans and sighs in response, wanting so desperately to just pass out and escape the pain in his head. "What...?" He asks through a haze. "That animal you've caged up and left to starve." The totem speaks as it presses its clawed digit against his head. "Alistair said not to let it out, to leave it there and let it growl, but he's gone now. We can let it out." it reasons, turning over its hand to show an open palm. The true Lothar simply chuckles a breath or two and flashes a grin of his own against the false Fridgar. "Nice try... Alistair's coming back so..." Fridgar holds fast, taking a deep breath before he continues. "...Go fuck yourself."

The totem drops its head and snickers. "Careful what we wish for, Fridgar. We're really gonna let a human boss us around?" It taunts with a tilt of its head. The true Lothar growls in irritation, or perhaps a threat? "He's my Kindal... He didn't want me to... He comes before you." he speaks through labored breaths. "Oh please!" The totem snarls in return. "Stop with this whole devoted, loyal, goody-two-shoes shtick. We know he's never coming back, accept it already!" His totem presses its forehead against his own as Fridgar lowers his hand from his eye, staring down his mismatched eyes. "Fuck off." Fridgar snarls back, baring his own rows of sharp teeth at his own visage. "You don't know shit... I know he's still out there..." The Lothar protests.

"Do we now?" The totem asks as it sits back against the grass, granting the Lothar room to breath. "Then explain what happened at the farm?" The totem asks with an almost sadistic grin. "...What?" he asks as he sits himself up a little, wincing. he dare not look in his totem's eyes now. "The farmer's wife, I mean... She helped us with a little more than just reading and writing common now, didn't she?" Fridgar was quiet for half a bit or so, frozen like a deer in headlights. "...Its fine really, we knew he was dead." The totem shrugged nonchalantly. "Besides, we are just an animal... It's in our nature to pass on our genes, even if our previous mate has kicked the bucket... Just couldn't help ourselves, could we? The promise of a son over a dead hope..."

There was no stopping it now. Face to face with what he'd done, the reality that Alistair was really gone and the unrelenting pain of his throbbing headache, they all brought him to tears. He lay there in a pile, slumped against his garden wall, sobbing a steady stream of warm fluid, which ran down his bare arm. The sound of the totem's body hitting the grass beside him did little to draw his attention. Neither did the Redbear, which laid its head on his lap and growled softly. Finally, the totem wrapped its arm over his shoulders, hushing him gently. "We know, Fridgar. We didn't want to face the hard truth, but we've cried enough over someone who's never coming back." The totem reaches across and takes hold of the Lothar by the wrist, gently lowering his hand from his eyes.

"That's it... Easy now... Just breath. In... And out..." The totem instructs as it turned his face by the chin and looked him in the eye again. Fridgar did as instructed, even through his whimpering and sniffling; he was a mess. "Look at us... Such a pitiful sight." The totem spoke as it wiped his eyes. "We can't go on like this. We need to be strong for Bellator. Let's just let the animal out, become what we really are, what we've always been. Then we can always protect him, raise him right. And don't worry about Alistair. We'll see him in the next life and we'll be completely different. What do you say..?" The totem asks again, for what sounds like the final time.

The Lothar turns his head away from the totem gently and looks to the Redbear's fur, damp and matted with his tears. Then he looked to the house, Where Bellator was hopefully still sound asleep. Finally, he nodded in acceptance and sighed through his nose. There really was no reason for him to hide from the monster in the cage anymore. The totem pat him on the shoulder twice before he spoke "Thatta boy... Also, we're out of ether, so..." Fridgar nodded tiredly before dismissing both the bear and his self totem. they both disintegrated, blowing their ashes in the wind before dropping to the floor as a figurine and a wrapped bone.

Exhausted physically, mentally, emotionally and magically, he collected both his totems and headed back inside. He carefully climbed the stairs and dragged his body through the hall before entering his and Alistair's room, then dropped himself on the bed. it all hurt too much to take off his attire, so he just laid there for the rest of the night, waiting for sleep to claim him.

[Alistair]

Fridgar

Knowledges
Becoming: Totem Guardian: Cannot be adapted.
Becoming: Totem Guardian: Cannot assimilate other totems.
Becoming: Totem Guardian: You can summon the form you've currently taken.
Becoming: Totem Guardian: Extremely costly, you can only manage one at a time.
Becoming: Totem Guardian: A rigid ability that doesn't play well with other abilities.
Endurance: Pushing through the strain of overstepping to debate with your totem.

Loot: N/A
Injuries: A weakened immune system for ten trials, which will result in frequent nausea and vomiting, as well as other unfortunate side effects, as minor illnesses and short-lived infections will be common during this time.
Renown: N/A

Points 10 - These points may be used on Becoming.

Comments: Much sad thread. Fridgar cheated on me with the farmer's wife... but it's okay. Alistair been hoeing it up without the same level of regrets. At least I have an excuse; Ali accepted that Frid was dead a long time ago. ;_; Looks like they're both wrong now.

Very deep thread, with a lot of development for Fridbear. I'm sad to see him tormenting himself like this, and also scared to see what he might become, especially if his mind continues to torment itself.

Just a note: though Frid did overuse Totem Guardian, I didn't think Heavy Overstepping just from that was appropriate... so I gave Medium instead.

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