a way forward

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Kaelrik
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a way forward

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62nd of Ashan, Arc 719
Miletos, Isle of Tyros

Kaelrik eyed the sentry guards standing watching over the estate of Lord Alistair Venora and his House. Compared to the grandly dressed men and women of affluence and influence that walked the streets he was decidedly common in his appearance. He wore nothing more than a cloth shirt with the sleeves removed. The muscles of his arms were well defined and toned from the days spent working in the forge shop. He was sun tanned as he’d been spending as much time outdoors as physically possible since coming to the islands. His legs were clad in simple brown cloth pants tucked into dusty leather boots. His clothing was tighter on his form than they had been in Quacia. The healthy meals that he’d been consuming, coupled with all of his work and training had seen him put on more of his healthier weight. He was finally able to breathe with much ease as the wounds to his ribs had healed. There was only the normal soreness from exerting himself physically around the shop and during his exercises.

The sentry guards paid Kaelrik no mind. He recognized some of them from Alistair’s estate in Quacia. He was certain they recognized him as well considering the nod or two that he’d received. No, it was not the men guarding the gates to House Venora that was giving him pause. His spark of Rupturing was humming softly. In the way that it only did when Alistair was nearby. He’d grown in his powers of teleportation and as a result, his awareness of all things in movement and in passage had grown more precise as well. He wasn’t surprised he was more keenly aware of the presence of the nobleman either.

He’d been putting off coming to the estate since Zarik had told him that Kleine was not doing well. While the decision to do so weighed on his heart as he wanted to see the other Lothar, he’d been conflicted. Across the islands, in the markets, in the streets, people were gossiping about the rising God-King of Helice. Whispers spoken almost prayerfully at the feats of the celestial man who commanded the forces of life and death were bounding everywhere he went.

It had been nearly thirty trials since Kaelrik had seen Alistair.

His supposed Kindal hadn’t spoken to him, hadn’t sought him out, hadn’t done so much as send more than a single letter to him since. And what a letter it had been.

The sting of being so callously kicked aside had dulled considerably in the face of being reunited with his twin brother. In that time, Kaelrik had found many other things to focus on. He’d begun exploring the depths of his magic more heavily. He’d been learning the ways of the forge more closely. He’d been dabbling in alchemy and other forms of crafting. He’d also been training his body and mind. Kaelrik had been spending time with his brother, catching up on all of the things both of them had missed. Somehow though, he still didn’t feel prepared to be anywhere near Alistair. The Lotharro sighed heavily before walking through the gates.

Kleine?” He spoke to one of the guards in passing.

East wing.” Kaelrik nodded and made for the direction indicated. He noted that the guard’s face seemed rather normal. Relaxed even. If he knew Alistair and his prowess as both a mage and a man of medicine, that meant something good. With measured steps, Kaelrik made his way through the grounds of the estate. He nodded to some faces that he recognized. He ignored those he didn’t though he heard whispers cast in his direction. He was relieved to note that the direction he was feeling Alistair was opposite of the one Kleine was purported to be in. That didn’t mean much. The nobleman could be anywhere he wanted with the mere exhalation of a breath. Still, it helped Kaelrik to keep moving. He noted gardens and architecture all of which was as grand as he expected. The elements and life thriving in the area called to him. The water in fountains sang softly to him, happy with his presence, eager to get to know him. He smiled and sent a weave of his own song to them. The waters in and around Alistair’s home would be cleaner, clearer and more refreshing for a time.

The air danced around Kaelrik’s form. The gentle breeze in the gardens plucked gently at his shirt and his hair. His pony tail fluttered lightly as the winds curiously explored every nook and cranny of his being as was its nature. The Defier greeted the winds and sent a weave of whimsy and contentment to them. The air around the estate would be crisper, would be lighter, and more happy for the next few trials.

Even the earth beneath Kaelrik’s boots was eager to greet him. The dirt beneath the bushes became more lively, more accepting of seeds and plant life. The earth’s steady rumbling music played in Kaelrik’s head. He added his own note of solidarity to it. The stone walls of Alistair’s home would be more welcoming of guests and more stalwart against invaders. The world came alive in anticipation of Kaelrik and he happily wove the music of his own Defiance into that which played around him in the back of his mind. He harmonized with it and in so doing, coaxed the elements into harmonizing with each other.

Kaelrik?” The Defier was pulled from his communion as he heard a familiar voice. His attention immediately went to the form of Kleine. A smile broke out across Kaelrik’s face and he quickened his pace. Darting up to the other Lotharro, Kaelrik swept Kleine up into a hug.

You’re okay!” Kaelrik hugged Kleine tightly, eliciting only mild protest from his fellow Lothar. After a moment or two, Kaelrik set the other man down. He cleared his throat.

You heard what happened then?” Kleine’s face was curiously blank as he straightened his clothes. Kaelrik nodded.

Zarik told me.” An unreadable expression crossed Kleine’s face before the other Lothar nodded. “How did you…?

I initiated Zarik into Becoming. I tried to initiate Alistair afterwards and…” Kleine trailed off.

It went wrong.” Kleine nodded and Kaelrik felt momentary anger. “He shouldn’t have asked. Not so soon after you initiated Zarik.

Kael…” Kleine spoke low. His tone warning. Kaelrik shook his head.

No. Alistair knew better. Knows better. Do you know a more practiced mage than him? How many domain’s does he have? He knew the risks. He asked you to do it anyways.” Kaelrik folded his arms over his chest as his temper flared. He loathed the idea of people he cared about being put in danger. It irked him even more that it had been Alistair who’d done this to Kleine.

Because of all the people he currently knew, he still cared deeply for the bastard. And that, perhaps, pissed him off most of all.

So did I, Kael. But you know I’d do anything for Alistair.” Kaelrik sighed. “He did heal me. He has taken care of me. You know he always takes care of those he loves. At great cost to himself, I might add.

Kaelrik scoffed.

Oh? Yes. I’m sure it cost him a great deal. So much so, he’s off conquering island after island. Such a sacrifice it must have been for the rising God-King of Helice.” The Defier shook his head. Kleine sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

I don’t want to argue.” Kaelrik studied the other Lothar. As much as Kleine seemed in good health, there was something on the other Lothar’s mind. Kaelrik took in a deep breath and his countenance softened. Stepping up to Kleine he placed his hands on the other Lothar’s shoulders and smiled.

I’m glad you’re okay. For your sake, I’ll keep the rest of my opinions to myself.” Kaelrik squeezed Kleine’s shoulders and brought him into another hug. He pulled back and Kleine merely nodded.

Are you staying?” Kaelrik felt his stomach tighten. He kept his face as blank as possible but it was impossible. Shaking his head he released Kleine’s shoulders and stepped back.

No. In fact, I’ve stayed too long already. I just came to see you. Since you are on your feet…” He eyed Kleine from head to toe. “…I’m glad you’re okay.

The two of them stared at each other for a few silent moments. It crossed Kaelrik’s mind that this might be one of the last times he saw Kleine. He had no idea what the future held and it was apparent that House Venora was, as of yet, not part of his future. Not as it had been before.

You need to forgive him, Kaelrik.” The Defier sighed and turned to go.

No. I don’t.” He paused before speaking over his shoulder. “But I want to.

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Re: a way forward

"Your Eminence," his courtier spoke. A bald-headed man wearing a tunic of impressive make, though it did not suit the malformation of his gnarled, winnowed form. "I come to inform you of the situation in the West of Tyros. Pyrgonas has fallen suitably in line and we have received our first taxes from the locals, as well as a delegation of traders and businessmen who have sworn to help promote your construction of the Tirano road system. Yet in the nearby fortress of Megaris, things are not so simple," he declared.

Alistair, seated upon his somewhat simple chair befitting of what he viewed to be his currently insignificant station, appeared irritable. Frustrated, by the news he now wholly expected to come.

"Eubotia appears to be 'negotiating' the terms of the laws you have put into place, and has stated she will not enforce any such taxes until we can settle upon an appropriate percentage. She seeks half your national rate -- though in truth it is full, she merely wishes for the other half to go to herself."

The Paragon chuckled, his gauntlet relaxed into the side of his face. "And I suppose a large portion of the taxes I am expected to receive will likely go missing, as well, on a frequent basis. And she is likely already taxing the people on a rate as high as the one I have requested for myself -- but into her pockets. The answer is simple," he began.

"Send for Arios," he commanded, lowly. "I will have him meet with her and negotiate for more sensible terms; her life for genuine loyalty. If she refuses to obey me utterly as the Lord that I am, then Eubotia will die. She has caused more than enough issues since ascending to her petty throne." The mage's brows sunk and he shook his head.

He was angry. Ready to snap -- ready to go forth and flay her seared body upon a burnt pyre. Alistair had given her enough chances, and so at the culmination of all of her failings he and his spark both sought her elimination.

"She thinks I will abide by her games merely because she has the favor of her people -- but I will not. Favor can be gained and lost, and I have it for miles all around me. But she only has one life, and if lost she will never be able to acquire the pieces that fall. Warn her of the fate she treads upon receiving."

He stood from his seat. Alistair brushed past the courtier and stepped forward through the humble hall of his leadership, seemingly no longer entertained by the affairs of court. He wished to visit Kleine, and something within his proximal direction beckoned the Paragon forward. A familiar... being; a presence that drew him in. The mage, adorned in his white and gold satin tunic with an embroidered sash upon the front and a pair of golden-laced caligae at his feet, stepped with regal poise through the corridors of the villa until he met with the sensation of the nearby shapes with his feet. Alistair had a Rune of Touch and a Rune of Focus upon him, chained below his jaw. As a result, the natural 'Pulse' he felt from the ground around him became absurdly amplified, and within dozens of meters he could feel the shape and form of things around him.

Kaelrik was present. He knew. Alistair could even feel his lips move as he spoke.

The Lotharro turned to leave, and in reply Alistair's pace quickened. His legs each had a chained Rune of Speed and Strength, allowing him to move in a blur. As a Paragon, it appeared the magister always had Runes upon him even when battle loomed on a horizon far away.

Within a trill, he appeared as if phasing across the courtyard. Alistair stood, radiant in form, before the younger Lotharro that he still firmly embedded into his heart. His Havendal.

"Kaelrik," he whispered, at first. Then spoke in a clearer, more pronounced voice. "It has been some time. How do you fare?"

He sounded... heroic. His tone was strangely proper and adorned with a tangible, masculine gallantry. It was unnatural, and yet always would Alistair speak in such a way. The Paragon was a theatrical thing, and it liked to appear more as an adorned savior than as the rotten man it truly harbored within.

"I did not think," he added, "I would see you on Tyros of all places. This is to be the heart of my dominion -- do you intend to stay for long?"
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Re: a way forward

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The earth grew quiet and the winds grew still. The whole world seemed to give pause for the arrival of one man. Kaelrik knew he was moving almost as soon as he’d turned to leave. He’d felt Alistair’s spark growing nearer. He’d resisted the urge to quicken his pace though he’d wanted to. As soon as the man passed into his sphere of awareness, Kaelrik felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. And then he was there. Regal and resplendent. Garbed in white silks and golden accessories. Covered from head to toe in swirling symbols of light and majesty and Kaelrik felt his heart ache. His face reflected both the hurt and the anger he felt toward his Kindal for the briefest of moments before Kaelrik smoothed his expression. A dozen questions spun in Kaelrik’s head. A dozen angry speeches ranging between cold fury and shrieks of rage and hurt. Instead, the Lotharro simply looked around them. He took in the trees and he felt the winds on his face. The elements could feel his suffering. They gathered tightly around him, offering comfort and support. At Alistair’s question, he offered the slightest quirking of a brow.

How do you fare?

How do I fare?” Kaelrik’s voice was clipped. His entire countenance was stiff, that of a man keeping a tight hold on his emotions. The Lotharro let out a disbelieving laugh. He shook his head casting his gaze to the skies before closing his eyes with a heavy sigh. He chose deliberately not to answer that particular question.

I’m certain His Eminence has far more important things on his mind than the travel plans of one lowly Lotharro.” Kaelrik’s words came out sharper and with more venom than he intended but he couldn’t help himself. Not fully. He wanted to be gentle with Alistair. He wanted to show the man standing in front of him that he still loved him. Alistair had offered him a future and Kaelrik had accepted it with all of his heart. Then all of that had been snatched away from him by the very man who had claimed to love him. Professing his own cowardice and inability to face him, Alistair had not once made any effort to reach out to him in that time and Kaelrik had given the nobleman the space he requested.

The people all across the isles are cheering the name of Alistair Venora.” Kaelrik lowered his eyes to the ground at Alistair’s feet. Wounded even as he was, he still whispered quietly to the earth to stand firm and welcoming beneath his Kindal. To make sure his footing was always steady.

The King has his kingdom. A small piece of it, it would seem. And the praise he so sought.” He looked up into those eyes of white fire and celestial ether. His indigo eyes traced the line of Alistair’s handsome features and again he felt an ache in him that only made this meeting all the more painful. Softly he spoke. "I hope it has brought you the happiness you were seeking."

But if it pleases the King, I do not intend to stay. His requests for distance were received loud and clear. My brother and I will leave soon. How soon depends on how quickly Korik’s business is finished with your husband.” Kaelrik ran a hand through his hair. It had the healthy sheen of a man well cared for. Despite his strained mood, the Lotharro truly did appear healthier and in a better state than he ever did in Quacia. Dropping his hand, Kaelrik regarded Alistair. The strongest part of Kaelrik was urging him to open his arms to the man and take him into a warm embrace. There was a stiffness to Alistair that told Kaelrik he was distressed. There was a set to his jaw, the way he was holding himself, Kaelrik had seen it before. His Kindal was aggravated. There had been a time when Kaelrik simply would have brought their foreheads together and threaded his fingers through Alistair’s hair. He would have let Alistair just breathe. No expectations. No words needing to be said. But Kaelrik pushed aside that urge, the urge he felt born of the life-bond he shared with Alistair. He gave the man before him a bow with one arm sweeping across his front.

If there is nothing further, Your Eminence? I should be returning to the forge in town.

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Re: a way forward

It was no great surprise to him that Kaelrik acted the way he did -- how could he not, after all? Though Alistair sought acceptance from him for his inability to indulge in their mutual affections, Kaelrik either couldn't understand or simply felt foul of the way in which it was all handled. Which, admittedly, was horrid... Alistair could accept that. Even as a Paragon, he knew his capacity to do wrong. Hurting others was not something he actively wished to do, and to know that he had likely left a great rift within the Lotharro's heart did not make him feel any positive things.

But the question... rose from the depths of his mind, as if he were finally forced to face it now that the man stood directly before him. Was he truly responsible for the way the Lotharro felt? Was it right for Alistair to shoulder the burden of guilt, when he had acted in a way that he knew would spare them all a great deal of pain? Perhaps, if anything, he thought it might be right to feel guilty for the fact that he loved two too many men in the first place. Alistair wished for three, and yet it was evident that two sectors of the equation were only content with his affections being brought towards one.

All of this contemplation occurred in a linear chain within his thoughts, all while Kaelrik said nothing directly but inferred all too many things. His words were all venomous in nature. Every last one of them.

"This is no Kingdom," Alistair replied. "And I am not a King. Not yet, at least. When I take Theros as well as the remainder of the archipelago, then I will allow myself to be proclaimed with such majesty. Until then, I am but a Lord... and little even to look upon. A Lord of villages and hovels, of buildings without people. Does this all make me happy? No. But then, I can't have all of the things that I want. Clearly," he stated matter-of-factly, looking the Lotharro up and down. The implication was clear.

And unsurprisingly, it was followed by a statement of just how badly the Lotharen man wished to leave. His requests for distance. Kaelrik seemed to believe that Alistair wished for him to leave, but he supposed the notion made some sense. He had, after all, broken their engagement via courier and shortly thereafter failed to even speak with him once. If there was any clear indication of what certainly appeared like evasion, it was evident in the way Alistair had handled the situation.

He could not deny that. Perhaps, in a different life, he would have felt the same way if treated by a Lord with such blatant disregard. Yet the truth was that Alistair did not wish for Kaelrik to go, and all of his requests from before remained standing. He wanted him to remain, to stay. To share in him as he used to, if not closer for his Havendal's newfound liberation in being free.

And of course, Alistair still loved him. He still felt the way he did when the two briefly agreed to marry -- and Alistair would have followed through with that negotiation if not for how he had been gripped by fear. The situation before him now only reminded the mage how vulnerable others were to his actions, and therefore how dangerous each and every thing he said could turn out to be.

"I have not sought the sort of distance you think I want," he said. Alistair's expression was serious -- he was ready to have the discussion. "I have... only tried to keep myself from being reminded of my desires for you." It was, perhaps, gauche an assertion. It lacked the poised refinement of much of what Alistair had always said -- yet his words were true. And they were accompanied by many more. "I am on an inevitable path; to lose all things I hold desire for. A curse, perhaps, for my ability to want as much as I do. Mock my superstition if you wish, but if Fridgar taught me one thing... it's that I have the power to ruin men. To make them hate themselves unbearably; to twist who they are for their wonder of why they alone are not enough for me. I have damaged my former husband irreparably. I wish not to do the same to you."

Alistair lowered his eyes, his lashes curtaining the Paragon's gaze. The mage sighed.

"I have told you that you are a free man. You leaving will not please me. But perhaps, if it will please you, then you should. Above all things, I wish for you to feel the joy of life again. If I deprive that from you now, then you must go. I will allow no others to fester my infection."
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Re: a way forward

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You’ve always been a King, Alistair. Maybe not in title, but in destiny.” Kaelrik spoke plainly and honestly. Alistair was what he was. He was a man born to rule. From one of the greatest houses in the Kingdom of Rynmere, to even the rolling Fields of Gauthrel and in the pits of Quacia, Alistair lead men. It was who he was and there was no denying it. Even the brief glimpse that Kaelrik had experienced in their past lives, Alistair had been a ruler of men.

So whether it’s hovels and villages or provinces and continents, you are a King to those whose lives you touch.” The nobleman’s implication about having what he wanted didn’t go unnoticed and it made Kaelrik feel a mixture of anger and the faintest sliver of hope. He did not give in to it however.

The distance I think you want? For fuck’s sake, Alistair! What in the gods names was I supposed to think?” Kaelrik folded his hands over his chest. His exasperation was beginning to show. He would not tolerate this circle of denial that Alistair was prone to. No, Kaelrik loved the man but he would not stand for being put at blame for Alistair’s callousness.

You proposed to me. Because my simple friendship was not enough for you. Then you called off the engagement through a letter, I might add!” The Lotharro’s fingers dug into his biceps as more of his anger at how badly he’d been hurt by the other man began to boil to the surface. He leaned forward, glaring at Alistair.

After I fought on the beaches of Kephallonia, my chest was nearly caved in fighting on your behalf!” Kaelrik’s hand cut through the air before he clenched his fists at his sides. “You couldn’t even be bothered to come see me to know that I was even alive.

The Defier shook his head before fixing the nobleman with a hard stare.

But do you know who did? Fridgar. Do you know who sat by my bedside? Who even showed me kindness and warmth with a simple meal? Zarik. Do you know who reunited me with Korik? Zarik and Fridgar. The two men you are so worried about me causing friction with were there for me when you should have been!” Kaelrik was practically shouting at the top of his lungs by the end of his final sentence. His whole body was shaking with scarcely contained hurt and anger. A mist was beginning to flow over his vision. The pain of having been so blatantly lied to about love and worthy finally clawing its way to the surface of Kaelrik’s heart.

Did you not trust that I would still love you? Did you not trust that I would stay with you, even if our love had to take a different form? Do you not trust that I will remain strong for you?” Kaelrik sighed, a ragged breath as a single tear rolled down his face. “No. You don’t. Because like everyone else, you too believe that I am weak, incapable of bearing the burden of all that is you.

Kaelrik drew himself up with a breath as he gathered his emotions back into check. He grit his teeth. He took a step, his steps faltered because walking away from Alistair felt wrong on so many levels. He stood there side-by-side with Alistair.

I am not Fridgar. I am not Zarik either. If they have taught you anything, it’s what they taught you about themselves. And it wasn’t what you did that hurt me, Alistair. It isn't what you have done that has driven this wedge between us.” He moved to walk past the nobleman. “It was how you did it."

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Re: a way forward

Through it all, all of Kaelrik’s many reasonable points that detailed the grievances he held for Alistair for all the ways he mistreated him... the mage looked on with a cold stare and lips pressed thinly together as he contemplated on each point. The mage breathed frustration through his nostrils at the culmination of each point, irritated that he had no idea how to respond and that Kaelrik had so many staggering points.

Alistair had done wrong... again. He knew he had. Perhaps, he thought, he never should have broken the engagement — he should have fought with Zarik if necessary to ensure that the two men could both be equal parts of his life. But the fear... oh, the dread. The worry that he might lose it all; that Asher would not have a second father, that Bjorn would be further broken by turmoil... and the worry that even speaking to Kaelrik face-to-face would shake his convictions.

Because he wasn’t convicted. He did not want to break apart from his Havendal, who would have been his husband and who he still wished to be. And to see Kaelrik in a state of such injury would have provoked him to turn back on his words. He was afraid, but selfishly. For his fear, he had allowed a man he loved unlike many others to rot in the anguish of what may have been his death.

And so... he understood. He could not argue the Lotharro’s points. Alistair could not claim to be in the right, and he could not ask the other not to be angry or even to forgive him. And so, he draped his expression in shame and lowered his stare.

“I know,” he said back. “And I agree... I have not been right to you. For a long time now, I—“

The mage shook his head. “I just want to correct you on one detail. It was not because I believe you to be weak that I distanced myself from you. It is because I am weak and know myself to be. I cannot bear to lose any more than I already have and I felt, in the deepest part of me, that if we had gone through with our marriage it would have been painful for you. That eventually, you would have found that I have lost my way and you would have stepped out to pastures far away from here — like you intend to do now. Because, Kaelrik, I am not a good man. I never have been... and I never will be.”

The man brushed past him. Alistair weighed more heavily into the soles of his feet. He could feel, resonating, each movement his Havendal made. Alistair took in a heavy breath only to exhale, for the strongest portion of him wished to take the other man into his grasp and kiss him. And a great deal more.

“I did not want to break the engagement,” he professed, sorrowfully. “I still don’t want to. I would marry you right now if not for my fears — for what I worry may become inevitable. Though at this point, I doubt you would even want to,” he bitterly laughed. “I have been cruel; I have left you behind even when you nearly died fighting in my name. Yes... I am a callous man at times. And that is why, Kaelrik, I want you to ask yourself - with all that you know - would you be happy to be my husband? Or would I not bring you immense pain all the time; pain that will haunt you perhaps even beyond this life?”

It was a serious question, and the implications of it were lasting.

“If you feel that I would make you happy - and truly, despite all of what I have already done and what is certain to come - then I will devote myself to you and will never treat you so callously as I have of late. I will beg you to return to my arms and join me in marriage as I still desperately crave. But, Kaelrik... I want you to be happy. What I have done to Fridgar can never be mended. And he is not a weak man - not by any means.”
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Re: a way forward

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“You're imperious.” Kaelrik halted and stood no more than half an arm's reach away. His back was turned to Alistair but the stiffness was lessening. The Lotharro sighed heavily with a near chuckle.

“You're cunning. You can be callous and foolish.” Kaelrik turned to see Alistair staring at the ground and looking altogether defeated and shamed. The image of the man, standing there and looking impossibly vulnerable was wrong to Kaelrik. It pained him to know he was the source of his Kindal's regret but Alistair had done it to himself. The Defier stepped up to Alistair. He reached out to gently touch the tips of his fingers to the mage's chin tipping Alistair's face up to look him in the eyes.

“But you are my Kindal. I accept these things about you because I choose to. Because I love you. I only wished you could trust in that.” Kaelrik could resist the urge no longer as he brought their foreheads together. He threaded the fingers of his right hand into Alistair's hair, gently massaging the scalp. He was still angry with Alistair but he couldn't hold on to his venom. He couldn't deny the want and need to comfort his Kindal even in the midst of their confrontation.

“I never said I wanted you to be a good man, Alistair. The world is full of good men. There is only one Alistair Venora. That is enough for me. That has always been enough.” Kaelrik met the eyes of his Kindal. So full of sadness and fear. He couldn't help but gently cup that handsome face with one hand and brush his thumb across the ridge of a cheek.

“I don't want to leave, Alistair. But what choice did you give me? From all I knew, you no longer wanted me.” Kaelrik searched his Kindal's face. He wanted this rift gone. He wanted to see Alistair smile. He wanted to hear his Kindal's laughter. He wanted to see him sleeping peacefully even if it wasn't with him. He wanted Alistair to be happy but the man seemed determined to sabotage his own happiness.

“You should have voiced your fears. You should have told me your struggles. You should have come to me and trusted I would understand that now was not the time for us.” He sighed heavily and dropped his hands from Alistair. He did not move away. He didn't want to. But if Alistair wanted space, it would be given. So many emotions were filling him but most of all he just wanted to resolve what was between the two of them.

“You make me happy by being yourself, Alistair. The man of raw fire and passion, of genius and ruthlessness, of love and tenderness. Of King and Conqueror. Nowhere in there do I expect you to be a good man. I just expect you to be mine. That doesn't mean alone. I would never ask you to stop loving who it is in your heart to love. As your Havendal it is my duty to love them too or at least make room for them.” The Lotharro slid a hand through his hair and drew in a deep breath.

“As for Fridgar, I can't speak to what happened between the two of you. But I can say, he wanted you to be someone you are not.” He held up a hand against any protest with a firm shake of his head. “It is true. When I spoke with him, he told me he felt trapped by you. He couldn't reconcile who you had become with what he wanted, which was for how things were. But we can't go back to how things were, Alistair. We can only look forward to how things could be.”

The Lotharro folded his arms over his chest and regarded Alistair quietly for a moment. The anger was mostly gone by then, replaced with simple weariness from the emotional strain. He let out a breath through his nostrils.

“So what will it be, my Kindal? You don't have to marry me, just stop shutting me out.” Kaelrik could not make this choice for Alistair. It was up to the nobleman. Alistair had been the one to form this rift, it was up to Alistair to heal it.

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Alistair
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Re: a way forward

Kaelrik demonstrated, to him, a surprising level of understanding. It would have been easy to admit that Alistair had expected the Lotharro to be far less approachable on the matter, and with good reason. There were certainly few who could unpack all of the madness that had gripped their relationship in such stride — few save for Kaelrik, it seemed. He was willing to accept Alistair’s many faults so long as they belonged to him; he was willing to share him so long as it could be said that to the Defier, he belonged.

Though he laughed, again cynically, as Kaelrik stated the world to be filled with good men. No... Alistair had always believed he had approached the world with good intentions, yet at best he’d managed to become a reflection of its bile. He was a Lord; the mage could no longer approach things with such an idealistic heart. It was through such immature measures that one lost the game.

But Kaelrik understood this - and even if he did not, he carried no grief for Alistair’s condition; the man he had become. Unlike Fridgar, who sought to cage Alistair with his expectations, Kaelrik wished for understanding to come as an attachment to his affections. For the two, perhaps, to grow each other. To embrace what could be, rather than to turn away from change.

It was then that Alistair realized how foolish a mistake he had made. He had before him a man that he loved, who would accept even the colossus of his many foul attributes, who would not fret at sharing in him so long as he received what was due. A man who took his commitments as a Havendal utterly seriously - who loved him, who always would.

A man Alistair found charming, handsome and ambitious. A man he was attracted to in body and soul. And yet, as if blind to these attributes, he focused on the failures of his own. But Kaelrik did not look to Alistair’s failures — he looked to his greatness.

A greatness that he genuinely believed to exist.

And so... the choice was evident, and it had already been made. Alistair could not let him go. No; he never wanted to see him gone. Even if they became nothing at all, he would have longed to at least watch over him, from a distance as near as he could make it. That held a love that could not easily be forgotten, nor displaced by a single letter.

Alistair breathes out through his nostrils. He calmed at the Lotharro’s intimacy, his proximity, though until now he hadn’t thought to return much of it at all. He was... in a deep contemplation. When his eyes finally returned to meet his lover, however, the mage smiled faintly and wrapped his hands tenderly around the curves of Kaelrik’s waist, as if he were smaller than he was.

And finally, the mage whispered back. “You’re right,” he told him. “I’m sorry, Kaelrik. I love you, and — I never want you to think that I mean for you to go. I... don’t want you to go. I want you to stay.”

There was so much more that he wished to say. But... Zarik. How would Zarik take it all? After all he had given of himself to Alistair, how he had crafted his form the way he had in order to satisfy his husband’s will...

Alistair had told him that Fridgar leaving was okay, and that he was enough for him. And he was, but Alistair had others that he loved in a very similar way. And - alongside Fridgar - chief among them was the man standing before him.

How long would a denial of this affection last? What secrecy would occur in spite of the biqaj’s eyes as Alistair failed to hold himself back? He knew that any attempt to keep Kaelrik and him apart would inevitably fail. And so the onus was ultimately on him to handle it in the only way he could; Zarik had to know. That Alistair was in love with Kaelrik, that it would remain so regardless of any divergent, outside perspectives. That the two would be married, and again the marriage would be shared. The Becomer could be amenable to it... in time.

His memories that Alistair had ruptured from his mind were beginning to return. He, too, had committed infidelity - though in this specific circumstance, it was not to be infidelity at all. Alistair spoke again.

“We are already Kindal and Havendal. We are already engaged. No ceremony will be required; no elaborate vows. If you allow it, we should marry tonight. I will tell Zarik, and perhaps he will be unhappy but... he will come to see you like I do in time. You are important to me, Kaelrik. You will always be. If you wish for me to be yours, truly yours, then the offer is on the table. I hand the reins to you.”
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Re: a way forward

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Then I am staying, my Kindal. I am yours.” Kaelrik felt Alistair’s hands upon his waist. He leaned forward and rest his forehead against the mage’s. He stared into those radiant eyes for a trill before closing his own and simply exhaling. Reaching up, Kaelrik ran his hands over the nobleman’s broad shoulders. He slid his hands up and down Alistair’s arms, simply taking the moment to enjoy their close proximity. After the moment of silent intimacy, Kaelrik spoke.

But I’m not wearing a dress.” His tone was deadly serious before he broke out into a smile. “And when you are ready, I am fully yours.

Kaelrik touched a hand to Alistair’s chest. He met his Kindal’s gaze steadily, his implication for deeper intimacy was clear. It would be difficult for Kaelrik. The scars left behind by cruel hands and even crueler masters were still there but he refused to be ruled by them any longer. Nearly getting crushed and the time he’d spent apart from Alistair and reuniting with his brother had helped put things into focus for Kaelrik. He wanted to be as close to Alistair as possible and he was not going to let his pride stand in the way of the opportunity in front of him.

He loved Alistair. Even angry with him, he still loved the man. He’d been choosing to leave because it had been apparent that Alistair hadn’t wanted him around. With that not being the case, with Alistair finally realizing that Kaelrik truly did not care about other people’s expectations about them, he saw no reason to leave his Kindal. It was abundantly clear to Kaelrik that Alistair needed him. The mage, for all of his incredible powers and his noble upbringing, was still mired in doubts about those who loved him and those he loved in turn. Perhaps, Kaelrik resolved, he could help lift that cloud.

Just promise me one thing, my Kindal.” Kaelrik let the silence hang between them in order to let the weight of his next statement embed itself into Alistair’s psyche. He wanted this to be as certain as the suns in the sky, as the stars themselves, he wanted there to be no mistaking that Alistair could turn to him.

Be honest with me.” Kaelrik knew what asking such a vow from a man like Alistair meant. It meant that there would be hard days ahead. It meant that they would perhaps argue. It meant that there would be days when he disappointed Alistair and when Alistair disappointed him. But Alistair was his Kindal. He was Havendal. Such a bond was not easily broken and now that it was clear that his Kindal did want him around, Kaelrik didn’t intend on letting it be severed with such ease.


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Re: a way forward

An absolutely interesting read. One gets a very clear insight on the struggles that are currently ongoing with Alistair and Kaelrik. The raw emotion on display, even if it's tempered by Kaelrik's seeming understanding, is palpable. Something that I can respect being written out.

However, Kaelrik, please change one of your skill knowledges. You cannot have all of the same skill. Simply do that, and I'll accept your reward request.

All in all, I think this injection of drama, especially with how Kaelrik put his foot down to a hugely unfair situation, really emphasizes the developments taking place in Alistair's story. A good collaborative efforts, and your rewards are well deserved.
Alistair

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Nonskill Knowledges:
Kaelrik: My Husband
Wealth:
NA
Renown:
NA
EXP:
+15

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Not much I can recommend, in all honesty. Your writing style is solid, and brings with it a clear picture of the story you're trying to tell.

Understand that all criticisms are done in good faith. It would be a greater disrespect to not say anything in the face of problems. Please contact me through this account's inbox if you wish to further communicate on the matter of improvement, or if you feel as though anything is unduly harsh.


Kaelrik

Rewards


Knowledges:
Rhetoric: Structuring an argument based on emotional distress
Rhetoric: Using a lack of communication as foundation for valid frustration
Rhetoric: Providing clear-cut expectations to avoid miscommunication
Caregiving: Assuaging the fears of a loved one through honesty
Psychology: The importance of communication in a stable relationship
Defiance: Coaxing the Elements into a more lively and vibrant state
Nonskill Knowledges:
Alistair: Revealed in Hone
Alistair: Healed Kleine
Alistair: My Husband
Wealth:
NA
Renown:
NA
EXP:
+15

Feedback


Your writing style is solid, and I can't complain. Just be more aware of reward guidelines, and you're completely, and totally, fine.

Understand that all criticisms are done in good faith. It would be a greater disrespect to not say anything in the face of problems. Please contact me through this account's inbox if you wish to further communicate on the matter of improvement, or if you feel as though anything is unduly harsh.
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