• Memory • A Matter of Science

[Sor'ren]

In the blue man's eyes, Doran was a hypocrite. He talked about the simplicity of others, and the complexity of himself. What made him so special versus everyone else? Now that Sor'ren started thinking about it, he slowly started killing off the reason for which the professor could've acted that way. There was actually a pretty good chance the man sitting opposite of him was in fact special for some reason. What that reason the reason was, was an entirely different mystery. Most would consider a mage and an assassin in the same person to make that person special, especially if he studied natural sciences next to it all, and yet Doran didn't strike Ren as a Becomer, nor an assassin. Still, Authoi didn't look like an assassin the first time he introduced himself to the boy Sor'ren. If the professor was a Becomer, that could explain why he seemed older than he looked, as he could've lived for so much longer in several different forms.

He found no reply suitable of the man's words, so he only kept listening, as he believed how he nodded after the man finished each sentence. He wasn't nodding at all, in reality. "I cannot pretend to understand the behavior of the Sev'ryn, but I'd like to believe they weren't being racist, and that they had some ulterior reasoning behind their actions." It was always the right way of thinking in Sor'ren's opinion. One could never be sure what someone else meant, and so one needed to presume, and he wanted to presume that the Sev'ryn were good people. He had this internal monologue many times, as he stood up late in the night, thinking about the Elders' reasons. He came to the conclusion how there was something else, something regarding Sor'ren's past, possibly even the past of his long-gone parents.

For some reason, the half-blood felt just a tiny bit warmer as the professor smiled briefly. Oh, he noticed it, and he would notice every little action made in front of his eyes. It was just the way he tried living, not letting anything slip past him.

"You seem quite wise for a man that spent most of his life in Ne'haer. Did you just have good parents?" Sor'ren chuckled, though he kind of knew it wasn't the case. Nor did he believe the man spent most of his life in Ne'haer running an apothecary. Doran was the kind of person to constantly be seeking out knowledge, and because of that the half-blood wouldn't let himself believe that the professor could spend so many years doing so little.

"Mathematics" Sor'ren said, as he looked at the man in front of him with a small smile rising through his face. "I've always been a curious person, and mathematics fulfills that hunger of mine. It lets me see more of the world than if I never knew about it." For once, there were no lies in his sentence, as mathematics was his escape into the truth, every now and then. Every other aspect of himself needed to remain a secret, and so the half-blood would gladly discuss the intriguing science with anyone that asked. "So, why chemistry?"

[Doran]

”Maybe“, the Mortalborn conceded as Sor’ren remarked that he’d like to believe that his people had had an ulterior motive for exiling him. Secretly he thought that it was unlikely to be the case though. People often tried to find excuses for others‘ behaviour rather than facing the fact that those they cared about were racist, or something even worse, but would Sor’ren acknowledge that if he told him? It was unlikely and not worth arguing about.

”I did not say that I spent most of my life in Ne’haer“, he corrected Sor’ren, trying to maintain his patience. He found it strange that the half-blood had misunderstood him when he had been so observant before. Had he done it on purpose to find the holes in his story? ”I merely said that I had been managing an apothecary for a few arcs there. I did in fact do a fair bit of travelling. I spent an arc in Viden for example, doing research.”

He had found his most recent stay in Viden to be an interesting experience. He had been masquerading as a foreign scholar as revealing that he had in fact taught at the Academy about two hundred and fifty arcs prior would not have been wise and had suffered all the consequences of being a supposed human and a stranger among cold and arrogant Eidisi.

”My mother was a good woman“, he continued, finding Sor’ren’s sudden interest in his familial background unusual and somewhat suspicious. But then again, maybe the man was just trying to make small-talk. Either way, it would be best to act as if he were quite willing to share the story of his life. ”She was a scholar, like me, although she studied a different subject, and she encouraged me to be curious about the world around me. My father was a different matter though. He left us when I was quite young. Still, my upbringing was more than adequate. I would prefer to think that I would have attained what you perceive as wisdom even if I had been born to different parents though.”

He paused for a moment, as if he were reminiscing about his childhood, thinking back on it with sadness or perhaps in anger, before he remarked, somewhat carefully, ”It seems as if both of us were forced to face the loss of those that gave us life at a relatively young age.“

He raised his head to meet Sor’ren’s gaze as he said that. The half-blood had not mentioned his parents when he talked about leaving Desnind which made him think that they were either dead or he didn’t have any contact with them anymore. What exactly had happened to him all those arcs before?

”I find mathematics to be a fascinating subject as well, although it is not my focus“, he replied as Sor’ren told him what it was that he studied. For the first time he appeared to be truly enthusiastic. Some of the previous aloofness seemed to have disappeared. ”It allows us to recognize patterns where others see none and provides us with insight into the nature of things. That was also the reason why I decided to study chemistry, to find out what the world is like at a most elementary level, what it is made of and to bring about change, if such a thing can be achieved.“

”Tell me though, which field of mathematics has caught your interest and what do you hope to accomplish? And have you ever considered returning here once you have been to Strosdyn and found that which you seek in order to further studies? Andaris is not Viden, of course, but the Institute of Sciences is quite excellent, despite the shortcomings of my predecessor.“

He realized that Sor’ren would likely think him biased upon hearing this since he was a member of said institute, but in truth he was not biased, at least not in any major way. He found the environment of Rynmere University quite conductive to his studies.

[Sor'ren]

The math, no matter how many times the half-blood did it, just wouldn't fit. Viden, Ne'haer, Andaris, there were too many places for a man so young, and with too little time. Surely Ne'haer required a citizenship to be able to own a shop, right? And as far as Sor'ren knew, a citizenship required some sort of test, or at least time spent in the city. Then his eyes wondered across the neat and comfortable room, as his brain once more went over the count. The professor must have left his home very early on, to have been able to travel for so long and to so many places, or he was just plainly lying about something.

Suddenly, another side of the puzzle was revealed, with all of the newly missing pieces. Where was Doran even born? What kind of person was his father? Could have he been a criminal? A soldier, that died in a battle, and yet his family was not able to forgive it? One thing was clear, the story looked too truthful within the professor's face for him to be a Becomer in another form. How come he knew so much then? It amazed the half-blood, and he let himself go completely, and delved into the palace that was his brain, attempting to piece it all together, while answering Doran's words with generic and instinctive replies.

"Perhaps that is what made us who we are today." He said, not really thinking about his words, as he gazed deeply at the man's eyes, with the one last failed attempt at piercing through his defenses. The professor knew what he was doing with all of this, and was unlike most humans from Viden. They were usually rather emotional, considering they needed to balance out the chill of the Eidisi, and they were quick to mistakes. However, Doran wasn't making any mistakes.

Suddenly, the human emotions seemed to spark within the professor, as mathematics were mentioned, and he began opening up slightly. It didn't give Ren any insight into the man, or his life, but it gave him hope that Doran wasn't perfect, and that, one time, he would slip up. For now though, the half-blood decided to focus less on the not-so-important subject that was the man's past, but instead give himself to the discussion of science.

"Numbers." Sor'ren said calmly, as he finally gained just that little bit of manners in his voice and the way he was sitting. "I focus on defining the world with numbers. Probabilities, secrets, architecture, it can all be put into numbers." He said, trying to be as honest as possible. All of the time he spent lying had made it hard for the blue man to speak with complete truth. "But I have not considered this place. Before this trial, I never knew this University existed." He said, without a shade of shame in his look, even though it wasn't really likely that someone well-educated and living in Viden, like himself, hadn't heard about such a big facility.

"If you don't mind me asking, Doran, where did you get your diploma, here or Viden?" The half-blood said, with genuine curiosity. For the first time, a question he asked the man was not a means to an end, it was not meant to drown him in the sea of mind games. Sor'ren asked only because he cared, seeing how the professor appeared to be rather fond of Andaris, and he had to have a diploma to become a professor, right?

[Doran]

Had the Mortalborn known what kind of conclusions Sor’ren had drawn from his words, that he thought it unrealistic that a man of his apparent age had lived in three different cities and experienced so much, he would have laughed, even though he was not a man that laughed very often. The fact that the half-blood took him for a Becomer would have been the cause of some amusement as well, although being taken for a Becomer was likely safer than the truth. Fortunately or perhaps unfortunately though Sor’ren’s mind was still as much a secret to him as it had been when they had met each other in the hallway since he had refrained from using his gift, for obvious reasons.

“Perhaps“, he agreed and met the man’s gaze again unflinchingly as if he had absolutely nothing to hide. Sor’ren, he thought, seemed to have a problem with eye contact, a tendency to stare. But then, such a trait was not uncommon among scientists who often tended to be a bit unique and interacted with a world in a different way from most others. Sor’ren for his part would to his dismay find that the Mortalborn’s eyes revealed just as little as before. They might just as well have been pretty orbs of dark blue glass.

“Chemistry deals with numbers as well and properties such as density, weight and volume, among other things, the calculation of which requires at least some skill in mathematics. Without mathematics a chemist’s work would be impossible or at least much harder, although the earliest chemists probably used a more vague method rather than careful mathematical calculations, as far as I know. Mathematics allow us to estimate how much of a certain substance is needed before we actually conduct an experiment and thus reduce the likelihood of an accident“, the Mortalborn explained, although, for all he knew, the half-blood was already aware of the fact that their chosen fields had much in common.

“Of course“, he continued as he had no problem occasionally admitting his shortcomings. “The mathematical knowledge that is required of a chemist is less than what a true mathematician would know. You spoke of secrets though“, he said and interlaced his fingers atop the desk. “What kind of secrets do you mean, and what do you intend to do with the knowledge? Are you more interested in the theory or the practical application of mathematics?“ Unlike Sor’ren the Mortalborn was not merely questioning him to find out what he was all about, but also because he was genuinely interested. The man seemed to be somewhat more experienced than his students, a fact that he welcomed.

“You know of it now“, he said as Sor’ren admitted that he had previously not known of the university’s existence. “There is always room for dedicated students, and there are scholarships for those that excel in their field, but lack the necessary funds. As for my diploma …“ He paused for a moment even though the question didn’t bother him at all. While some in his position faked their documents, he had gone about it the harder, but much safer way and actually gone back to university for a certain amount of time.

“I did some preliminary studies in Ne’haer and acquired additional qualifications in Viden. And what about you? Did you study mathematics at an academic level?“

[Sor'ren]

No matter how cold the half-blood's stare was, or how little his mouth gave up, he enjoyed the conversation with the professor. Sor'ren would always enjoy a conversation with a man that posed as an equal, or even greater mind. And even besides all of the secrets the half-blood believed the man kept, he wasn't stopped from feeling like they had much in common.

"I do not have wide knowledge of chemistry, but from what I do know, failed experiments can be worse than in any other science?" Sor'ren said, without making the sentence sound like a question, even though he was not sure about his words. "I don't plan on doing anything with the knowledge I gather." The half-blood said to answer the man's first question. Secrets, they weren't something he used like most people. He didn't blackmail, he didn't use them as leverage, he just wanted to know, to know about everything and everyone, as much as there was to be known.

"I just enjoy knowing what others do not." He said, playing with little bits of his hair. It had grown longer than he wanted it to, most likely because of the intensity of recent training sessions. "There's equal knowledge in both, and I study both, but I find practical mathematics to be more.. intriguing, so to say." It was a tough question to answer, considering Sor'ren spent most of his study time deciding what he was going to read up on. Still, all of his love for theory could not surpass the interest he had in the real world, and how mathematics affected it.

"You mentioned alchemy, but does this University allow for regular experiments alchemy requires? As far as I am aware, that is a more practical than theoretical science." There weren't many alchemists in Viden, much less anywhere else, so the half-blood's knowledge of the topic was highly limited, but he wanted to know. Alchemy was one of those things, that appeared to be magic, and yet it was not. It was a science of the magical, in some aspects. There was one more of those, one more science of the magical, and yet Sor'ren could not remember its name. It was practiced right besides alchemy in Viden, and most alchemists had knowledge of it too.

"I am afraid my home is in Viden for now." The blue man said, tempted to smile after his words, and yet barely escaping the cruel world in which he was smiling. "I have been accepted in the Academy of Viden, but this unexpected trip caused some delay in my education." It was truly unlucky, that the dreams had to arrive in such a bad time. As far as Sor'ren knew, he was even supposed to be tested by the Skarr Kol soon enough.

"You seem to be a well-educated man, how familiar are you with magic?" Sor'ren asked, instinctively, for the first time during the conversation. It was just something he wondered about, without actually trying to uncover Doran's mysteries. "I always found it to be a rather peculiar thing to be studied, but I never found anyone who might know the theory behind it." His master among the mages was only familiar with the practical aspects of his craft, and the half-blood suspected that even if he knew about the theory, he wouldn't disclose any information.

[Doran]

“Indeed”, the Mortalborn confirmed. “Failure can have disastrous consequences. For that reason I will not allow my students to conduct any experiments unsupervised until very late into their studies. Alchemical experiments are even more dangerous though as alchemy deals with substances that are often, but not always, magical in nature. Injury or even death, I have been told, is not an uncommon occurrence, especially in those that lack a proper background in chemistry.” Even though he spoke about such gruesome things, the tone of his voice remained comparatively calm. He was not afraid at all that they would happen to him. He had always been careful and studied chemistry and the theory behind alchemy for arcs before he had dared to even conduct the most simple of alchemical experiments.

“So do I”, he admitted as Sor’ren said that he enjoyed knowing what others did not, but he decided not to elaborate on it as he would be unable to do so without revealing what he was. He took great pride in his unique nature, in knowing that he had abilities that others did not, that he would still be there and look as young as ever long after they were gone, after even the memory of them had been forgotten. He took pleasure in the fact that he knew more than they, had experienced most of Rynmere’s history first-hand and earned his living studying things that most were not even aware existed.

“Alchemy is closely related to chemistry”, he informed Sor’ren. “In fact it is in essence chemistry, with more potent ingredients. The presence of an adequately equipped laboratory is not the problem. A well-equipped chemistry laboratory such as the one that I am allowed to use is sufficient. Procuring the necessary substances can be difficult however.” As he said that, he wondered why Sor’ren had asked about it. Was the half-blood interested in more than just mathematics?

“I was not aware of that”, he remarked as Sor’ren told him that he had been accepted in the Academy of Viden. “I am certain that you will enjoy your time there. The Eidisi can be a bit difficult at first, but the sheer quality of the education one can receive there makes up for it.” Even after his somewhat mixed experiences a few arcs prior the Mortalborn was convinced of that. The things that he had learned in Viden were invaluable.

The half-blood’s next question took him by surprise, although he tried not to show it. He did not reply immediately, but simply looked at him thoughtfully for a few moments. Magic was not exactly popular in Rynmere. and the use of most disciplines was forbidden without a permit. People didn’t trust it, it made them uncomfortable. Was Sor’ren not aware of that, of the fact that too much interest in magic could get him in trouble?

“I am not a mage”, he finally replied. “Although I am aware of a few basic facts, such as the one that it requires a manipulation of the soul.” He disapproved of this perversion of the soul, it disgusted him even though he had once, more than two centuries and a half before, loved a mage, but Sor’ren would never know as the expression on his face remained carefully neutral. Besides, he understood the sheer lure of power that magic offered. Occasionally even he was tempted, despite the wrongness of it all.

“And what about you?” he asked, very carefully, trying to appear non-judgmental. They had reached a very delicate stage in their conversation. “Have you ever done more than study the theory of it?” he wanted to know, hoping that Sor’ren would answer truthfully despite the fact that it was somewhat doubtful, if he possessed any manner of common sense.

[Sor'ren]

It seemed smart, not letting young and foolish children run experiments with highly dangerous substances, but then again, it was expected from the professor to do what is smart and right. If Doran had let his younger and less knowledgeable students near potentially hazardous chemicals, it would make the half-blood raise an eyebrow, at the least.

"Sounds intriguing. So, alchemy is, basically, a branch of chemistry that deals with the same problems, only different substances? " Sor'ren said at the professor's words of how the ingredients were the hard part of alchemy, and not the laboratory. It felt good that the half-blood was learning again, learning something that could come in handy even more. He enjoyed learning from every person he met, and Sor'ren would truly not mind if the person was stupid or smart, so long as their information was viable and useful. Doran was not stupid however, and that made him an even better person to be talking to.

The professor talked about the Eidisi, and where a normal blue person would act insulted, the only half-blue man chuckled with a small smile on his face. He had experienced that difficulty first hand, though probably not nearly as much as Doran did. Sor'ren could even see it in himself from time to time, and Authoi was quick to note whenever some of that Eidisi coldness affected the man's actions. It didn't stop, but it was noted, and that counted for something, hopefully.

"Magic has always been a possible future for me, though I have yet to experience it anywhere farther than in books from the Viden library." It was a lie, sort of, considering Sor'ren had seen magic, and magic was most likely his entire life in the near future. It was either going to be that way, or he was going to die trying to make it that way. Still, the words of the professor affected the half-blood, as he considered quickly was he actually ready to pay the price of his soul just to become a mage? Then an answer quickly came, and it was that he had no choice. His entire life he was raised by Authoi to become a mage one day, and that day would come.

"Haven't you wondered, with all of your wisdom, how it would feel like to have the power of the Immortals on the palm of your hand, and the only price you had to pay for it was a piece of your soul?" By this point, Sor'ren started appreciating and valuing the professor's opinion, as he appeared to be a knowledgeable man with lots of experiences. That power, and the endless greed it presented with it, were one of the things to lure the half-blood into his apprenticeship with the old aukari. Back then, he was a kid, and having the ability to change forms at will appeared as the most divine thing only Immortals could do. And he wanted it.

[Doran]

“Exactly”, the Mortalborn confirmed. “The problems are the same, but the substances an alchemist deals with are different and, as I’ve already told you, much more potent.” As he said that, he wondered whether Sor’ren would eventually take up alchemy and whether he would heed his advice and get educated in chemistry first to minimize the risks involved. Even though they had only just met, the Mortalborn thought the half-blood capable of handling such power, quite unlike some of the young people that he had encountered at the university.

“Alchemy allows you to create fire-resistant or especially lightweight armor - or explosives, although I would advise against such a thing as the creation of explosives is one of the most dangerous branches of alchemy. Even using oil to make waterproof leather or creating litmus strips to determine whether a substance is acidic or basic involves some alchemy though“, he continued. He decided to stop there though as that was neither the right time nor the right place for an entire lesson on the potential alchemy, a fact that he found that he regretted, to his surprise.

“You are a very self-confident man“, he remarked as Sor’ren informed him that magic had always been a possible future. “to speak of your interest in learning it so openly. I’ve heard of mages in Andaris, Seekers, but I have yet to meet any of them.“ It had not been for a lack of opportunities. He had avoided them on purpose, out of fear that they would recognize him for what he was. Andaris had become more dangerous in recent centuries, and yet something always made him come back after a while.

Sor’ren‘s next question was just as unexpected as the one he had posed before that. Again the Mortalborn studied him quietly for a few moments, wondering about him. As he finally spoke there was obvious criticism in his voice. The half-blood had seemed so intelligent before, a kindred spirit almost, but his comment regarding the price of magic was anything but. He had tried to remain neutral before, but now he realized that he could not.

“Your soul“, he informed him and looked directly into his eyes. “is the most valuable thing you possess, the only aspect of your being that never changes. It makes you the man you are. I would not tamper with it on a whim, but think about the consequences carefully. But yes“, he lied, seemingly calming down a little, figuring that most mortals such as the one he pretended to be would want such a thing. “I have occasionally wondered what it would be like to have an Immortal’s power, to be Ziell’s or Vri’s match. Who doesn’t?“ He posed the last question with a little smile.

[Sor'ren]

"No man, noble or not, can arrest me for only speaking about magic." Sor'ren replied, as to his reasons behind being so open about his views on magic. So long as he wasn't a mage, no word he lets slip from his mouth should get him punished. Every person on this world should at least have the right to say what they want, just like any person has the right to stop listening to anyone, those were the simplest morals Sor'ren had. Even he, being as cold and emotionless as he was, could understand that every being should get some rights, even if those are only the most mundane ones.

The professor didn't seem to like magic, as his voice clearly said that he disapproved of the half-blood's thoughts. That drove the blue man to several other thoughts, like, for an example, could his father have been a mage? That would explain it all, and give some insight into Doran's past. But no, the theme of the conversation had switched between the stealthy and covered ways of trying to discover more about the man in front of him, and a simple discussion of two intelligent gentlemen. Nothing more, nothing less, just a conversation about scientific topics.

"What if I'm not the man I want to be?" Sor'ren said, while nodding at the professor's words of criticism. There was more, much more to be discussed on that topic, seeing how magic was a broad subject with lots of different applications. "What if I wanted to be more than a mere mortal that can be pushed around and broken on a whim of such divine beings like Immortals and their children?" It was an interesting thing, that Sor'ren brought up Immortals, it was not a topic he was familiar with, but one he only studied ever so slightly. "My soul can't get anywhere close to those of the divine, but with magic, I could at least try."

That being said, all the reasons why Sor'ren wished to become a mage were starting to shine, as it all slowly began making sense. Doran's words, and their conversation as a whole, gave the half-blood a new will for his initiation, one that could not be surpassed by most. Without a doubt in his mind, he was ready to give into the magic, and to let that piece of his soul go. Was it really the greed that brought him to that point, or was there something else? Sor'ren didn't know himself as this person, this power hungry, greedy individual, but not for a trill did he get scared.

Just as the words of the two minds were about to progress, a sharp sound came echoing through the room, not a loud one, but a quick, and meaningful one. Someone was knocking on the door with the intention to be heard, but not to be impolite. It could have been a student, Sor'ren thought, or another one of the professors, but whomever they were, they were educated in proper etiquette and knew how to properly knock on doors. Another skill which was utterly pointless in the pale blue eyes of the half-blood.

[Doran]

”That is true“, the Mortalborn conceded as Sor’ren said that nobody could arrest him for only speaking about magic. “Although there are some people that wish that were the case.” He was not among them. No matter what his personal thoughts regarding mages were and no matter how great his distrust was, he did not want to see them punished or imprisoned. He was of the opinion that people should have the right to live their life any way they wanted, to choose their own destiny, to forge their own path even if said path would lead them straight to their doom. Anything else would just be slavery.

“I don’t know”, he said, somewhat softly as Sor’ren spoke of wanting to be more than a mere mortal. For perhaps the first time the Mortalborn was at a loss for words. He had gotten so used to his powers and his longevitiy that he found it hard to put himself in a mortal man’s place sometimes. It had to be hard, to know that the Immortals could use you any way they wanted and break you and discard you, like a toy that they didn’t want anymore, to know that your lifespan was greatly limited, that you were already born with the promise of death and died a little more each trial. For a moment he found himself pitying Sor’ren.

“Not all Immortals and not all Mortalborn are like that, but I’ve felt powerless and helpless as well once”, he spoke with a hint of sadness in his voice. He was less likely to simply be used by them, but those that he cared about had occasionally fallen victim to their whims. He had pleaded to Vri once, to any Immortal that was willing to listen, to save the one that he had loved, but they had been indifferent towards his plight. “I think I’m beginning to understand why tampering with your soul seems to be worth it to you. It is hard to be confronted with beings that are so much more powerful than you are sometimes …”

It was just then that somebody knocked on the door. The Mortalborn frowned – he did not appreciate the interruption at all – but eventually he reluctantly rose from his chair and walked over to the door to open it. One of the university secretaries, a red haired human woman with freckles all over her face, was standing there. He accepted an envelope from her and exchanged a few words with her before he turned back to Sor’ren. “I’m afraid one of my colleagues has need of me”, he apologized. “But I would very much like to continue our conversation one trial. Perhaps you could write me once you have visited Strosdyn and found what you are looking for? I’m curious about what exactly it is.”