[Haven] Ancient Sins

[Praetorum]

Timestamp: 46th of Ymiden, Arc 721

It wasn’t that Prae had been avoiding Elisabeth, precisely. It was just that… He hadn’t wanted to have this conversation with her before he was ready. Or any conversation, just in case it led to this one.

Alright, Prae had been avoiding her. He didn’t think she’d noticed—they were both busy people, and Prae had excused himself back to Rharne after the feast—but Prae knew he couldn’t put this conversation off any longer.

Stepping out of his tent in Haven, Prae stretched his arms above his head, sighing. Patting his side to make sure his domain bag was there, he started walking out to the beach. This early in the morning, he thought it a fair bet that she would be there, or would be soon.

He arrived to find Elisabeth standing by the water, as she often was. Padding through the sand, he sent a light gust of wind to dance around her, flicking her hair into her face.

The sight of her eased some tiny anxiety in him, and drew a larger worry to the surface. It wasn’t that he thought this conversation would go badly—Prae thought he had a pretty good grasp on Elisabeth by now, and felt he knew how she would respond. That didn’t make anticipating speaking the words any easier, to dredge up those old wounds he’d been hiding from for arcs.

“Good morning,“ he called as he drew closer. “Do you have a bit or two?” He hesitated. “I wanted to talk about what happened to you on Ishallr. What I did.”

[Elisabeth Black]

46th of Ymiden, Arc 721

In the early morning, it was always the beach. That was where the young settlement leader of Haven always started once leaving Haven House. If Balthazar was in settlement, the ritual would perhaps be delayed for a while, wishing to spend all the time she could with him before he inevitably departed again, but at some point during the morning hours, Elisabeth would be found on the beach.

Viden and Faldrass were about as opposite as two places could be. While technically not a desert, Faldrass was rather tropical in climate and nothing like the city she had been raised in. She loved both places for different reasons, and while she would always smile when it snowed, she couldn’t deny that there was something soothing about the lull of the waves crashing against the shore.

Long gone were the trials that Prae could sneak up on her for the elements ratted him out each time. Waiting for the wind to rush forth, swirling and greeting her as it always did under the Ithecal’s direction, the young woman smiled brightly when the element enveloped her. The special greeting was unique between the two; a ritual she cherished greatly, just as she cherished Praetorum himself.

Flicking her hand, she sent a return gust of wind at the Ithecal, watching it dance and tease as she walked towards him, smiling as Elisabeth often did. “The guards told me you were back. I was curious how long it would take for you to come find me.”

As he pushed forward, the smile fell from her face a bit. He wanted to talk about Ishallr. Glancing out into the Hollow Sea, the outline of the island was visible in the far distance and was often something she gazed upon while thinking of that trial and what had occurred. Praetorum wishing to discuss it had been an inescapable conclusion, although Elisabeth was certain they had been smart to wait until they both had a better handle on the events, gained much-needed perspective.

Nodding, she found her way to him, gently laying her hand on his arm. “I suppose we should. Before we do though, there is something I want you to know.” What she had to say, he already knew. The special kinship between the two was gentle and enduring, and she knew in her heart that there was nothing she could say that would surprise him, but she needed to say them anyway.

Smiling up at him, Elisabeth took a deep breath. “Family protects each other. I know what you were trying to do. I made mistakes too, trying too hard to prove that I was worthy to be there and not listening enough. I don’t blame you, and I don’t want you to blame yourself.”

[Praetorum]

Prae knew. Of course he knew—Elisabeth was not the sort who would blame him for his missteps, not when he had the best of intentions in trying to save her. But hearing it all the same soothed him, settled his fears and made him smile. "Thank you," he said softly, his tail sweeping out to wrap loosely around her arm, squeezing affectionately before letting go. "But I thought you deserved to understand why I did it all the same. Cassion... encouraged me to give it some thought, and you have a right to know. And I suppose... I wanted to get it off my chest."



Sitting down on the beach, Praetorum turned to face the sea, the sand settling warm and comfortable underneath him. Off in the distance, Ishallr was faintly visible, the island and its Induk calling lightly to him. Certainly to Elisabeth, too, Ice Forged as they both were. It was beautiful, from a distance. One would never guess just from looking at it how deadly it truly was. 



"I had brothers, once." Prae said softly, still staring off towards the island. "I've never told you that, have I? I had two brothers, when I lived in the Empire. Serinus was my nestmate, hatched only a few minutes after me. Luther was a human—our families were close, and he was nearly our age, so we naturally fell in together." Reaching into his domain bag, Prae pulled out a small crystal statue, the one he'd been given at the feast. Depicted were three teenage boys in a tangle of limbs and laughs, frozen in time as they playfully shoved at each other. He showed it to Elisabeth, lightly tracing one crystal arm with his claws. 



"I was the oldest, and the strongest, and the bravest. It was my job to chase away bullies, to teach them to fight back, to protect them, and I—" Behind him, his tail lashed in agitation. 



"We went down different paths when we grew up—Luther stayed on his family farm, I became a soldier, and Serinus a spy. We kept in contact, wrote letters when it was safe, visited whenever we could. And then... "


Around them, the elements began to twist and turn, responding to Praetorum's pain and grief. The air began to tumble, the waves began to crash, the sand began to tremble. But only for a moment, before the defier settled his emotions, closing his eyes to try and center himself. 


"My parents died early in the Nashaki campaign. It wasn't a tragedy—they were both of them war heroes, giving their lives for their unit—but it was painful all the same. Serinus took it worse than I did, and he stopped writing to me after the funeral. I thought he just needed space, so I let him." The words came out eerily calm now, as Praetorum worked to keep his emotions in check. "Two seasons later, his handler writes to me. Says Serinus missed his last two check ins, says no one in the order could find him again. He just... vanished." Praetorum's voice wavered slightly at that last word, before he caught himself. 



"The season after that, I get another letter. There was a fire at Luther's farm. No survivors. Both of them were just... gone, and there was nothing I could do. I wasn't there when they needed me, I wasn't there the one time they really, truly needed protecting."



"I found them both again, and lost them both the second time too. Serinus appeared an arc later as a spy for... some one else, just in time to die in my arms. Luther became a ghost. We met again in a dream, and he... I don't know what happened to him afterwards. I don't even know if it was real, or if I dreamed it all. Everything else about that dream turned out to be true, but Luther..." Prae shook his head. 



"I couldn't save them. I couldn't help them, I couldn't do a damned thing for either of them. And I— It— When I saw you there, freezing to death before my eyes, I just. I couldn't take it. I couldn't take the idea that there was nothing I could do to save you. I did... I believe I did the best thing that I could have. Only, I should have done nothing at all, just let them bring you to the temple and save you there. But I just couldn't accept that in the moment. I panicked. And for that, I'm sorry."


Prae smiled faintly. "I know what you're going to say. You're going to tell me I have nothing to be sorry for, but you're wrong. I don't have to apologize for not wanting you to die, but I... I shouldn't have been so foolish about it. I let my fear blind me, and my instinctive reaction led to the worst outcome for all of us. Again."

[Elisabeth Black]

Arc 721, 46 Ymiden

The pair had a connection that went far beyond simple friends. Even though Balthazar had known the ithecal longer, in some ways, Elisabeth was closer to Praetorum. It was hard to explain to someone else, and often she didn’t understand their relationship herself, other than the simple fact that she considered him part of her family. There was always a place for him in Haven.

He took position next to her on the beach, and Elisabeth quietly sat there, absorbing the story he had to tell while confessing his emotions and thoughts regarding the past and how it affected his decisions. The young mage’s hand remained on his arm as he spoke, offering whatever quiet support she could as he relived events that had created such deep emotional scars.

The past. She understood how it impacted people and counted herself lucky in that regard. Certainly, her past few arcs hadn’t always been pleasant, but Elisabeth had gotten off light compared to people like Prae and Balthazar. That didn’t mean she could not comprehend what uphill battles they faced in dealing with trauma, though. Having worked through many things with Balthazar, both in his life and hers, Elisabeth felt reasonably sure she could offer something to help the ithecal.

Once the story was over, he brought them back to what had happened on Ishallr, where Elisabeth began her response. Squeezing his arm gently, she let her gaze fall to the water and spoke softly. “Ishallr was challenging on many levels. It tested us in ways we couldn’t have ever prepared for. It’s easy for people to look back now and say that everything worked out, but we know that it didn’t, don’t we? Those events leave marks that are hard to erase. We think and rethink the scenarios, wondering what we could have done differently. Sometimes losing sleep because we know that the odds are that something similar will come for us again, and we want to be more prepared when it does.”

Glancing at him with a soft expression, she waited for a beat before continuing. “We don’t get instructions for life. We must figure it out as we go along. The lives we live are not that of normal people, and never will be, which means our triumphs and failures are amplified exponentially, and most of the time in full view of others.”

Elisabeth tried to wind down that specific thought the best she could. “I appreciate you telling me about your brothers. If you wish, we could try to find out what happened to Luther and give him peace?” It was a small offer, and in truth, she wasn’t sure how to accomplish it, but she would find a way if it would bring him and his brother the peace that they both deserved.

“I don’t blame you for what happened. I think we both learned something from it, and I think in cases like this, we got the best outcome we could ask for. We have the chance to go out there again and use what we’ve learned to help others. It’s only when one stops trying, letting the fear get to them, that they truly fail, I think.”

Sighing gently, she continued, confessing something to him that she hadn’t told anyone – not even Balthazar. “I’m….tired of having people angry at me for doing my best. A few arcs ago, I was a girl in a library, and ever since then, I’ve been on this crash course on how to deal with issues related to monsters, magic, spirits, and Immortals. Someone thought enough of me to give me a settlement to lead. I died. Balthazar died, and some trials, it’s just…a lot. Some trials I succeed, and some…I fail. Hard.”

There was a point to her confession. Praetorum might not have felt the same as she or similarly dealt with issues, but there were points of commonality, and she hoped he would understand what she was trying to do.

“We’ve both had pain and trauma, yet we are still trying. I’d call that a win. I'll take all the 'wins' I can get."