[Silver Veil] One Unfine Mess Indeed

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Honathor Longreach
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Joined: Fri Mar 03, 2017 7:10 pm
Race: Yludih
Profession: Farmer
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[Silver Veil] One Unfine Mess Indeed

[Silver Veil] One Unfine Mess Indeed
35th of Ashan
Silver Veil Farm

Daybreak, Partially Sunny, Mild Temperature
Continued From Here

S
ilver Veil Farm lay in a valley just outside the city, its silvery flowers had started to bloom as they did much of the year round, except on Cylus which gave them no light or life to do so. For three generations the farm had prospered and been a staple of the community, providing fresh grain and livestock.

Upon coming home, in just two seasons away the farm had gone to hell. Its land had been lost, which Honathor still had yet to work out how, only seeing a great big fence where his cornfield used to be. All of the livestock were gone apart from four sheep and an oxen! Somehow the second barn build simply wasn't there anymore, and by the way it was fenced off it looked like someone else owned that field too.

Honathor had slept in the straw, or what straw they had to hand anyway. Tobathon the gentle giant had slept in a made up cloth bed, and Alondasath Hona’s son had taken the actual bed or what was left of it. The bed itself didn’t look great, but even then things were better than the first day they’d arrived. Dust had been cleaned up, things put away and straightened out. They had spent the first few days clearing the land enough for the sheep to graze as they looked underfed, which was exactly what they were going to be getting on with today, running like a battering ram straight over anything in the way.

Waking up, straw somewhere up his nose, Hona climbed out of his barnyard bed. The first thing he did was give the sheep the once over, checking their fur, and checking there was no permanent damage done by Handan’s neglect, blast that name! He'd be sleeping here for the next season by the looks of it, just to make sure they were tended to properly.

First thing was first breakfast, a measly amount of food to be cooked up for the three of them, all big men, Tobathon was a giant by all accounts, Honathors son had his build and a few inches of height on him, and Hona was sizeable himself. What they got to eat, especially for a farm, was laughable, and none had been happy about it. Bad breakfasts made for a bad mood and one grumpy Lotharro morning! Tobathon turned over, sounding like a small earthquake as he yawned at the smell of food being cooked.

"Is that breakfast I smell!" Tobathon came on in, his spirits up, seeing the gloom Hona seemed to be sitting in, the giant man did his level best to quash it with a grin as wide as a cart.
word count: 476
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Honathor Longreach
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[Silver Veil] One Unfine Mess Indeed

H
ona stood up, no sense moping around forever, giving the pot a stir as Tobathon warmed his hands by the fire. He took the cauldron and poured soup into a few bowls, handing the meagre offering with a spoon to both of them, having no spoons left for himself he just swigged it down from the bowl.

After the three of them had warmed their stomachs at least, they made off for the tool shed. Hona’s son Alondasath didn’t look happy at being here, but he looked resolved to help his farther at least get the farm in working order again. Tobathon on the other hand was relaxed, just another day on a farm. Although angry Honathor felt much the same, work was work, and began handing out tools, the giant man put several into a wheelbarrow to take with them.

Honathor and his hunting dog Dowebee went off to herd the sheep, Honathor giving him firm commands how to move and when, Tobathon moved the barrow toward the overgrown field and Alondasath brought the oxen out for grazing. The sheep weren’t responding that well to him, obviously a bit jittery from their previous owner, they still obeyed Dowebee the small dog herding them, but that was about it.

Struggling to move the sheep where he wanted, he had to move to the side himself and stop one of the four running off on its own, the Lotharro gave it a gentle pat when he got hold of it, trying to settle the creature. Hona was used to handling sheep, but he wasn’t used to them being so jumpy, hanging back while dowebee herded them forward at his command, just in case one ran off again.

They got them inside the field, where they seemed more settled, sealing the gate behind them all. The young oxen Batrick was compliant, he looked a bit on the thin side, which was another reason Hona was annoyed, giving it a good pat on its side and a scratching along its chin. The flies here were as bad as ne’haer only bigger, and they were pestering the oxen as usual around its nose.

Not long later, there was sound of axe and shovel hitting wood and earth, then knives cutting brush could be heard. Weeds and any small sprouting bushes or trees were being cut back to make way for the grassland grazing again.

It was good to be home.
word count: 411
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Honathor Longreach
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[Silver Veil] One Unfine Mess Indeed

S
lashing weeds with his axe, he worked like a man possessed. Honathor enjoyed hard work, here he had motivation to work twice as hard to restore the farm to what it used to be. Every weed he pulled, every sting or thorn in his hands, every chop of the axe or step gave him peace of mind. Tobathon wasn’t as fast as Honathor, as far as hauling things the gentle giant could lift twice the weight of anyone Honathor had seen yet, and was whistling happy to himself as he did just that.

Then there was Alondasasth, “real glad to ‘ave you ere son, thanks for staying to help,” Honathor was more happy to be spending time with him, the help was a bonus. Alond gave him a wide grin, “half a'season of this and we’ll be just like new,” Hona told him happily, and got back to digging up a huge chunk of weeds. “Better go make us some compost piles away from the sheep.” No sense wasting good green. Getting the wheel barrow Hona filled it with stray greenery, and whatever dry animal dung lay about, pushing it back to the barn with him.

One the way back he saw Dowebee digging at something in the ground, and Honathor called for him to come over. The hunting dog seemed torn, continuing to dig instead. Honathor used a much louder commanding voice and it stopped what it was doing, running up to him and barking. “Come on Dowebee, you know better than to dig by the cottage. You’ve got a whole field for it.” He knew the dog didn’t understand his words, the sound of his voice was what mattered. You had to have a strong voice to give animals instruction when they wanted to do something else, if you didn’t maintain that dominance with a pack animal, it would try to instead on you.

Instead now Dowebee barked in circles around his feet, slow on the uptake, this time Honathor stopped what he was doing, “what is it boy?” The dog ran off to where he had been digging, Hona followed and kneeled on the ground, there was a small blue bit of clothing coming out where Dowebee had been pawing away. By heck that smelled bad, Hona covered his noise, what was rotting down here?

Grabbing a shovel, the Lotharro began to dig at whatever it was, standing with his mouth agape as he hit…
word count: 414
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Honathor Longreach
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[Silver Veil] One Unfine Mess Indeed

…a hoof.

The more he dug, the more he was sure it was one of his oxen. It had obviously been rotting, poorly buried in a shallow grave near the cottage, instead of out in the field where it belonged. Most of its meat and bones could have been used at least, all this waste just made him angrier. Digging around it Hona discovered another animal, a sheep hastily buried in much the same way; neither animal he saw looked slim or malnourished unlike the current weakening stock. What in the blazes was going on, by now the others had come by to help, taking shovels of their own to get to work.

A few breaks in they’d started to account for a lot of his missing herd, half the earth near the cottage had been overturned before long; each animal they found had some sort of blue clothed tied to it, for no good reason that anyone could see. There was “no reason for any of this” Tobathon said, but Hona couldn’t hear him, the Lotharro was in shock seeing everything he’d loved discarded like this in a mass grave. Alond came over to give him a word of encouragement, but Hona just kept on digging, all of them were going to be accounted for before he was done.

And so they dug, and they dug, sure enough each time they did they found another body, sweating and tired all three of them carried on into the evening, then into the night. Eventually fatigue set in, but that didn’t stop Honathor here. Alondasath was trying to keep up but he’d had to call it a night, and Tobathon had just fallen asleep on the grass nearby, Dowbee joining him, resting on his on the man's stomach.

Hona’s shovel still didn’t stop, even when it became heavier passing midnight, not until predictable he felt a strong pull in his back from leaning over so much. Putting the shovel up defeated, the Lotharro woke Tobathon and they made their way indoors, if only so he could continue tomorrow. His dreams were not restful and his mood sour as it ever had been, a sentiment shared between all of them this time.
Last edited by Honathor Longreach on Tue May 02, 2017 8:14 am, edited 1 time in total. word count: 378
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Honathor Longreach
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[Silver Veil] One Unfine Mess Indeed

M
orning came and everything had sunk in. Dowbee’s eyes at his makeshift barn bed were almost ignored, even in his mood Honathor couldn’t leave without giving his loved dog a rub under his chin. The small dog was determined to cheer grumpy Lothorro up. He’d not been feeding the little guy enough since they returned, there wasn’t enough to go around, and they’d all lost a few pounds. That didn’t stop Dowebee jumping up at him till he squatted down and gave him some attention properly, the dog nuzzling his beard like a scratching post.

Missing breakfast today Hona got up early, letting the others rest. The scene of all the dug up graves, and this being Ulthaldria, large scavenger birds eating at them almost knocked him over. Hmmph, waste not want not. He spotted his son’s spear next to him, picked it up in his hand and hurled it at a bunch of them, completely missing where he wanted it to go, he got a satisfying impalement into one of the flock all the same.

“We’ll be eating well today Dowebee!” The dog barked. Nothing like a breakfast to put things right. Sombrely he walked through the graves and over to the fallen bird, finishing it off with a knife and picking it up to take to the kitchen. It had to be stripped of feathers of course, the thing weighed a ton, it’d feed them all for a few days at least. Working away it gave Hona the idea of leaving out the rotting oxen in the field, so they could do the same tomorrow. Hona hated waste, and this was a way of making that huge waste in the backyard right again.

Preparation took a while, but by the time everyone was up they could smell half a large bird roasting over the fire, everything was bigger in Ulthaldria, including the scavengers. Sure enough when everyone sat down around the stove the banter picked up, eating well, even the dog was gnawing on a couple of good sized bones for once.

“So the spear isn’t a toothpick after all?” Alond joked.

“Teeth need picking about now.” Hona’s firm grin fixed on his face.

Tobathon was too busy eating, the biggest man had suffered the most from a slight case of malnourishment, not complained once, putting on a brave face.

“Think we can trap the scavengers?” Alond asked. Hona chomped down, it was rough meat but filling “good idea.”
Last edited by Honathor Longreach on Tue Apr 18, 2017 12:03 pm, edited 1 time in total. word count: 422
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Honathor Longreach
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[Silver Veil] One Unfine Mess Indeed

R
esolved and determined to eat well for the next week at least, the three men got their tools ready for an entirely different sort of farming! Catching and releasing predators, they hauled the bodies they could move easily up to the field. All these corpses were buzzing with huge flies by now and stunk something terrible. “By heck, smells like red dung stew.” A full bellied Honathor was better company than a hungry one, stew sounded good tonight, it’d keep some of the meat fresh for longer.

“Food again already?” Alond grinned.

“Can’t not plan the next meal! I can taste it!” Swatting some of the flies away, the only body they couldn’t move easily was his poor dead oxen, instead it was cut up into smaller chunks and then hauled. It was heavy work moving all these dead cattle, testing not only Hona’s spirits at saying goodbye to old friends but the endurance and strength of each them. Carrying the carcasses over their shoulders or each taking one end.

Picking the far end of the farm, which still needed a lot of work doing to it, in case there was any damage while trapping their predators. The Lothrro's stripped a good chunk of meat from the bones, and then buried the bones. It was slow going, he didn’t need it all only enough to draw attention. “Can’t we compost the bones?” Alond asked, and his father shook his head, “takes lifetimes.” A reborn answer if ever there was one! Bringing a lot of the foliage they had been cutting away, they intentionally left the rotting meat in the compost to draw the pests and predators they were after.

It was simple, not well thought out for the intelligent observer, but then Hona wasn’t a mental giant just a strong hand with an axe. Hona did think to open a crumbling fence, taking a panel away, so whatever came drawn to the smell of rotting meat wouldn’t need to break it any further. The whole fence needed attending to, something he hadn’t had time for yet, getting the sheep back to grazing on clear green pastures had been his only concern.

After clearing some more of the foliage, they left enough to hide in around the compost heap for when they sprung their trap. “Get some rest lads, we’ll be hunting game tonight, Ulthaldria style.” Hona grinned wide, it was good to be home.

Fin For Now!
word count: 418
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Nymph
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[Silver Veil] One Unfine Mess Indeed

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REWARDS

HONATHOR

  • Knowledge:
    • Animal Training: Commands of a Herding Dog
    • Animal Training: The Unconditional Love of a Dog
    • Animal Husbandry: Basic Sheep Care
    • Animal Husbandry: Using a Herding Dog with Sheep
    • Endurance: Continuing for a Personal Purpose
    • Agriculture: Recycling Greens into Compost
    • Agriculture: Location of a Smelly Compost Pile
    • Agriculture: Unable to Compost Bones Quickly
    • Hunting: Throwing Into a Flock Tends to Score You One
    • Hunting: Uthaldria Style
    • Trap Making: Not all Traps are Technical
    Loot:
    • One Large Buzzard: Good for a two or three trials of food.
    Injuries:
    • Ouch! Your back is going to be sore for a good long time. Continue working to stretch those muscles or find a nice girl to give you a massage to make you feel better.
    • Devilish weeds! Some of those green stalks can be pretty thorny. Your hands are red and swollen from the stickers. Make sure you wash your hands really good in case you are seeding bacteria into your palm. Callouses will be slow to develop, so it will not be surprising if you develop painful blisters along the way.
    Fame: None

    Story: 5/5
    Collaboration: 0/5
    Structure: 4/5


- - - - - - -

Comments: I will have to ask that you apply for Tobathan and Alondasath to be personal NPCs in the PSF forum. If you already have and need 1) approval or 2) add them to your CS, please contact me or do so. They seem like cool NPCs and I would love to read about them.

I appreciate that I have never had issue with your ledger. Great job!

The story was basic, but I appreciated the hard work that Honathor is putting into building his home (and his story) up. You have to start from somewhere, and starting from nothing takes time. Keep it up!
Honathor wrote:Upon coming home, in just two seasons away the farm had gone to hell. Its land had been lost, which Honathor still had yet to work out how, only seeing a great big fence where his cornfield used to be. All of the livestock were gone apart from four sheep and an oxen! Somehow the second barn build simply wasn't there anymore, and by the way it was fenced off it looked like someone else owned that field too.
 ! Message from: Nymph
Upon coming home, In just two seasons away, the farm had gone to hell. Its land had been lost, which Honathor still had yet to work out how, only seeing a great big fence where his cornfield used to be. All of the livestock were gone apart from four sheep and an oxen ox! Somehow the second barn build built simply wasn't there anymore, and by the way it was fenced off, it looked like someone else owned that field too.
I made a note particularly in this excerpt above. Oxen is plural, ox is singular. The initial sentence was confusing as it implied you were going to talk about the future (Upon coming home...) and instead talked about the past (In just two seasons...). It was inconsistent which is why I highlighted that section.

The biggest tip I can give to you is to pause and read your post aloud. If it sounds like it should have a brief breath, then a comma should go there. If you are running out of air in a sentence, it's just too long. This will help you catch words that don't quite fit as well. I have docked you a single point and will give you time to improve before coming around again to address your structure as many threads have probably already been submitted.

There are many more examples in this thread alone that I will be happy to provide. Please PM me if you have any questions.

If you feel I've missed anything or if you have questions about your review, please don't hesitate to send me a quick PM. Thank you!
word count: 657
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I'm bad, and that's good. I will never be good, and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be then me.
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