Hammer Time

[Uiyaejn]

It's like story time, only with hammering involved.

I wanted to take a moment to breathe, a moment to appreciate people and how they are different. More importantly I want to recognise how insanely rubbish people are at communicating with one another.

Every relationship is based around communication; now let me outline communication as a whole, a a DEFINITION:

communicate
kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/Submit
verb
1.
share or exchange information, news, or ideas.
"the prisoner was forbidden to communicate with his family"
synonyms: liaise, be in touch, be in contact, be in communication, make contact, have dealings, interface, commune, meet, meet up; More

2.
pass on (an infectious disease) to another person or animal.
"the disease is communicated from one person to another"
synonyms: transmit, transfer, spread, carry, pass on, hand on, convey
"the disease is communicated from one person to another"

Lets look at the first definition. Now, in order to process information we need to receive it. We cannot understand nor hope to react to this information without ever having it, now what I fail to understand is why one person can't very calmly and rationally say "Look, we're butting heads. I don't understand <a> can you explain it to me?" wait for the to speak, listen with an open mind. THEN once that it done, wait their turn to speak "These are my thoughts on the matter. I had issue <a>, <b> and <c>" If there is a problem from that point on, it's time to look for a solution rather than focusing on what the problem is.

I mean lets face it, when people are being stubborn or arrogant or being a twit out of malice for each other, they're letting their emotions get the better of themselves. I mean we are supposed to be adults right?

A wise woman once said to me that in a discussion when people feel like they are going to be offended there are 3 stages of personality you need to look out for:

The Adult You
The Child You
The Critical You

The Adult level is the place you want to be, if you are not entering a conversation of closure with a serious, rational state of mind then you are likely not in this place. The adult is more experienced, more understanding and willing to work things outs.

The child on the other hand is the one that will get stroppy, defensive or even retreat back into itself as a form of fighting back. You may not think you are causing problems by turning into yourself, but actually if you look at childlike behaviour a lot of children will ignore or run away from things out of spite. It can be considered another way of actually fighting back without people realising it.

The critical you, the you that picks at you for what you have done wrong. Sometimes this part of you is right, sometimes you do need to listen to it, but when in a rational conversation it is dangerous to project your critical self onto other people.

Therefore if in such a situation, one player ALWAYS needs to remain in the adult role of the conversation. Should the other stray from that path then you wait for the tantrum to be over, don't acknowledge it and fall onto that level because frankly that is what the child wants. It wants you to argue and it won't get anything done.

Until both parties are on the adult playing field it is unlikely that anything will get resolved at all and lets be honest as people who work together to build communities, to build friendships, relationship. Getting along is a thing that benefits us and is something we need to do.

It is not a sin to be forthright, although the truth is harsh people appreciate honesty. All gods be damned the amount of people have told me 'I love how honest and blunt you are about stuff.' I don't try to be, I like people and getting along with them. I like peace, I like friends but I do not enjoy conflict and seek to resolve it as soon as I can.

A wise rabbit from Bambi once said "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all."

While a good sentence and it makes sense not to be malicious for no apparent reason, the truth of it is you don't need not to be nice to people. What does it gain you other than a bucket full of anger and just a generally shit time? It can sometimes be more damaging to a case not to say anything, what they should have said was say something if it's necessary.

And most arguments are so trivial! They could be sorted out in an instance if people just learned to share information properly and rationally.

I have had some really weird real life experiences lately involving death to a friend and unnecessary blame. So I say to you now, if you want to blame someone look inside yourself is it really worth all that pain?

Then think of forgiveness and all of the times you wanted to be forgiven. How shitty it felt not to be, then know you can give someone that kindness. A wise man said that "Antipathy is the owner of the one that holds it." It is so true.

I choose to forgive for this blame, I have done naught wrong to cause the death of my friend and that is a fact; I tried to help him. However others cannot see past those two stand points, so here I am ranting and reaching out to people about something that could be so simple.

For the sake of jars of broken hearts, shattered dreams and sundered sanity I hope that people can get it.