• PM To Join • Misery Loves Company [Krome]

[Andráska Venora]

80th of Ashan, 717

From Andaris to Krome, Andraska had gone all around Rynmere. Anywhere to avoid Venora with his brother and the impending news, Andraska had tried to keep his mind busy with little success. Every day he was back, more was asked of him, and ever day he pushed further away. He knew it was selfish to hold in the secret, but how could he tell them? How could he look his family in the eye and admit to being a kinslayer? Absorbed in his thoughts, he remained expressionless as servants rushed out to greet him, having been informed on his upcoming arrival and asked a flurry of questions, and offered to take the coat that was draped around his shoulders. He nodded numbly, second guessing the decision to visit when he felt so drained, “Yes.”

He stood patiently as hands reached for him and his coat slid from his shoulders. Dressed in a fitted button up and slacks, Andráska would have been a fine example of Venora formality if not for the black sling that cradled his right arm and the plethora of bandages and bruises that decorated his skin. His face was mostly untouched, but a small scratch rested under his left eye and part of his jawline was darkened.

His eyes, usually vibrant green and filled with life were tired and dark circles lined them. A five o'clock shadow and his wild hair made him look older – and with his height – haunting. A few servants were muttering as they raced to inform the lady of the house, and he was led into the home. He did not crack a smile as he moved, and shadows seemed to cling to him. He was a man who had gone to the precipice of death and come back. And even now, knowing the gossip mill would be turning and not caring, seeing the extravagance, the food he did not want to eat, and the people he could no longer relate to... Could he remember how to live?

He moved stiffly to the parlor, standing awkwardly with a servant pouring tea and letting his unseeing gaze travel along the room. He eyed one of the plush couches and their clawed feet, debating on taking a seat when he heard footsteps and turned to the silhouette standing in the door frame.

Celeste Andaris.

Her dark curls sent a pang to his heart, a small reminder of what he had done and stared at her for a long moment to focus on the woman before him and not her. His voice was soft and deep, solemn in its own right as he kept his demons at bay, “Hi.” He forced a smile then, just a small upturn of his lips and walked slowly towards her, extending a hand to take hers if she would allow it. Celeste might have seen the bandage wrapped tightly around his wrist as he took in her dress and her face. His own hands were covered in healing cuts, with more around his fingers. He bowed slightly and placed a cool kiss on her knuckles.

She was still pretty... different somehow. They both were, “Thank you for letting me visit,” he said finally, remembering that he should have started with a congratulations of her engagement. That had been one of the many letters he had been plowing through the last few days, and he extended a hand towards the couch, “Would you like to sit?”

[Celeste Andaris]

She shouldn't be out of bed. She had, after all, nearly died. Celeste knew this because so many people told her. Time and time again, they told her. In truth, she would not get out of bed for many people but Andraska Venora was one of them. So, with Gwen's help and taking it all very slowly, she had got dressed. Gwen had applied a little make up to Celeste's face, but she had told the noble lady plainly. Nothing was hiding how ill she looked. As she stood in the doorway and tried not to show that she was holding on to the frame to hold herself up she found that she was glad that the make up hadn't worked.

Because her guest looked worse.

He looked awful, in fact. His eyes and his hair, the dark circles of his skin. All of it, she considered, so much more than the arm in a sling. She was pale, far too pale and the circles beneath her eyes could not have been hidden by any amount of make up, her maid was correct. Her pallor matched the weight she had lost, and could not afford to, which in turn added to the general sense of weakness in her movements. He lifted her hand and kissed it and Celeste smiled at him. "Of course, I am sorry. Yes, lets sit down."

As Andraska lifted her hand in his, Celeste's just gently squeezed, just for a few trill and then she moved to sit down with him. She shook her head at the servant and instead asked, most politely, if she and Lord Venora might be left alone, please. The servants left and there, in the Krome household the young woman looked at the man who, in different circumstances, she would have called brother.

"Well, I could attempt polite conversation if you like but frankly," Celeste's smile was a shadow of what it had been, "you look worse than me. Would you like something to drink?" She motioned to the drinks cabinet and was ready to stand and pour something for him if he did.

Whether he did or did not, she sipped a glass of water left by the servant and she looked at him. "I was sent here under the guise of a business deal, unaware that my father had already agreed my engagement to Xander Krome. I have been here since and in that time I have been attacked in the street, stabbed during my engagement party and caught this illness which is going around which meant that three nights ago they were convinced I would die." She raised an eyebrow and she looked at him with genuine concern in her eyes, even as she spoke in a polite, almost casual tone. "How are you?"

[Andráska Venora]

80th of Ashan, 717

Andraska was relieved when she wanted to sit, and in different circumstances, would have been fussing over her health. But he felt in similar spirits, and settled numbly beside her, perhaps a bit distant, and threw his right arm over the back of the couch. A ghost of a smile tugged at his lips when she said he looked worse than her, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. Instead, he eyed the drink cabinet and shook his head. What he really wanted was a very strong drink, or multiple, but he was mad at Ilaren and didn't want to participate in his old past time. “I never was a very good Venora.” He tried not to think of what that all exactly meant in more than just looks, and instead looking wistfully at the window.

When Celeste began to talk, he cocked his head in her direction, watching her from the corner of his eye, and nodded at the engagement news. He opened his mouth to finally offer his congratulations when she surprised him with different sort of news. Attacked. Stabbed. Ill. Convinced of death. He went very still, aiming to collect his thoughts before deciding which bit to address first.

“Who stabbed you?”

When he finally turned to her, his eyes were cold and his expression dangerously calm. It was easy to tell he was not happy with the news, but with his battered appearance, he appeared alarming. He eyed the drink cabinet again and rose to his feet, glancing towards the door, “You were attacked, and there was an attempt made on your life. Where is your security?”

He knew Celeste had sent the servants away, a great symbol of trust on her part since the incidents, but he had not been patted down for weapons or even investigated. Surely he looked worse for wear; nonthreatening, but appearances could be deceiving. And why hadn't he been told? He wouldn't have put such a strain on her for a visit if he knew, and now Andráska felt even guiltier, “Does your fiance not care about your safety? Of your sanity?”

In fact, where was Xander Krome?

He shook his head, moving with more purpose to the drink cabinet, his anger contained with hints of it leaking from his voice, “You're strong, I know that. I just...” He stopped in front of the cabinet and gripped the edge of it, staring at the floor between his feet. 'I'm so tired of death and pain.'

“I'm not okay, Celeste.” He could see the flashes of fire behind his eyelids and his hand shook as he pulled open the shelf and retrieved a glass, smacking it down and reaching for... his hands hesitated, hovering over a decanter of brandy, “And I'm not okay with this.”

His fingertips brushed against what used to be his salvation and he realized how scolding he must sound. Did he sound like his father? At the thought, his anger broke and he sighed, turning around to face the couch once more, “Have... Have you told anyone else?”

[Celeste Andaris]

"Security? My security?" Celeste did not resist the urge to roll her eyes and she looked at him with a very genuine expression of frustration. "They are at every corner and every step. I can not go for a bath or read a book without someone dipping an elbow in the water or checking what lies between the pages. I am, I am afraid, unbearable when it comes to being good, though." Her smile was slight, but it was nonetheless genuine. "I told them that you were coming and if they subjected you to any of the sort of nonsense they would like to then I would be most put out." Celeste looked at him and she sighed. "I was surrounded by guards, Andraska and a serving boy stabbed me whilst I help to clean up after the party. There had been so much money wasted, I just wanted to help out."

She gave him an arch look, "So the moral of the story is not to waste money on parties. Xander and I are getting married in Saun, near water and having invited everyone who it is proper to invite." Another somewhat cynical eye roll but then Celeste gave him a smile. "Under a tree. Barefoot and in a plain dress with flowers in my hair. Those people who we invite will be asked to give the money they would have spent on ridiculous clothes and expensive gifts. That will be combined with the money our parents would have spent on a lavish wedding and will be split equally between charities in each of the seven Duchies, each Duchy equally. We will be no less married and our blood will still be noble, but others will be made better for our union, not worse." Would he think her mad? Perhaps. Of course, there was the final point which really was the icing on the cake. "We have written to the King, the Empress and each of the seven Dukes and Duchesses and requested that the royal wedding follows our precedent."

She stood then, as he stood there by the drinks cabinet and placed her small hand over his. "I can see that," she whispered in response to him saying that he was not ok. "What happened, Andraska?"

[Andráska Venora]

80th of Ashan, 717

“I know, I'm sorry... I just...” Andraska couldn't seem to get his words out, and he stood still for a long moment while he tried to gather his thoughts. One part of him knew how he sounded, how judgmental and irrational. Of course she had security. She was noble. But he felt desperate, and this seemed only to add to the weight of his shoulders. But it wasn't his burden to carry, and he had to remind himself that she had been stabbed. He couldn't be upset with her. His next words came out soft and apologetic, like a child that had been reprimanded and he was staring at the floor when she began walking over, “Why would anyone want to hurt you?”

He remembered the monk and thought of Tina and the stabbing. And now someone was making a direct move against Andaris, or... all nobility, the idea of this madness suddenly overtaking one of the few people who wished to spend time with him... It was disheartening, and while the wedding sounded ideal – in fact, something he would have liked at his own, he feared it wasn't going to be enough.

A soft hand laid atop his and he lifted his eyes – two mirrors of guilt and desperation and he swallowed at her questioning. He knew she meant well, that she wanted to help. And he... he wanted someone to trust. Andráska was quiet, turning over his hand to gently take hers and lift it between them. He admired her fingers, so thin and long. Next to hers, his looked like they had gone to war, with cuts and bruises lining his knuckles and no doubt abrasive against her skin. “Sounds perfect,” he whispered, his anger fading just as quickly as it came, and released a long sigh. He wanted to focus on a pleasant idea on the future, not go back to his dark memories.

But she was so close... so open to hearing his troubles and... telling someone... anyone... Could it save him?

'She can't be trusted. She'll use it against you' His mind was quick to hiss in derision, trying to will him into keeping the secret forever, but it was eating him alive. How much longer could he take it? “Do you know... what a Sessfiend is?”

He knew he had told the story to Freya, or the part of killing a monster. He had specifically left out the part regarding his sister and he wasn't sure he wanted to say anything about it now. The only person aware was the king and the guard and if he could keep it like that forever without going mad, he surely would like to, “It's...It's someone cursed by Syroa,” his voice faltered and he had to close his eyes, Zvezdana final words making it hard to breathe as they played in his mind. His thumb ran back and forth over Celeste's knuckles, reminding himself she was there; her touch anchoring him to the real world.

“I arrived and it was attacking Rharne.” Two heads. Fire. Blood. Glass. Pain, “It chased me through the streets and I...” Stabbed her in the heart. Killed it. Survived. NO! “I should have died.” It was above him now, head lowering and jaws opening to encase itself around his skull. Andraska's eyes glazed over for a minute, his tone taking on a dreamlike quality, “But I didn't.” Pier and Pre in their red dresses, walking around him as he lay dying. He blinked and suddenly he was in the room again, thumb stilling, “Celeste, I could feel it. Feel death.” He shook his head, knowing he sounded crazy, “I wanted to die. I still do,” he bit his lip, realizing the mistake at admitting such weakness, but it was all truth.

“I mean...” he released her hand suddenly, running it through his hair and down his face, taking a step back as if it would clear his mind. He looked around the room, for an escape, but knew it was no use. He couldn't just leave, and he sighed again, “They saved me. I could hear them. Judging me; my life... Pier and Pre.” Even now, he thought of them with mixed feelings.

They had given him his life in exchange for a level of self loathing he was never sure he would escape from, “I thought I was saving everyone.” The citizens. His sister. His nephew, “When I killed her, I thought I would die and everyone would be safe but... I think I made things worse.”

“Because...” A panic settled in him, his heart racing and his breath picking up in fast intervals as his throat tightened and he selfishly reached for Celeste's hand, taking it as though it were a holy relic that could save him for what he was about to say. The words were barely more than a breath and he looked helplessly into the noblewoman's face, trying to silence his mind as tears began welling up in his green eyes, “The Sessfiend was my sister.”

[Celeste Andaris]

It will stop

"I don't know, Andraska. I wish I did." Why did people want to hurt her? She could no more answer that for Rafael Warrick than she could for her brother or the man who had attacked her. Yet there were those people in this world, like this man with her here and Xander Krome who were more than nobility, they were people and good people. Celeste could not quite comprehend it and yet she knew it.

His hands beneath hers were rough and calloused and Celeste could not help but be surprised. Xander's hands were the same, but she had not expected that from a Venora. Yet Andraska was more than that, had always been more than that and she knew it. So, her hand over his she spoke to him with a quiet and earnest tone. He asked her about a Sessfiend and she shook her head, not sure. She thought that it was to do with the creature which had killed her brother, but she was not sure. He spoke to her, his thumb moving over her knuckles and Celeste knew in that moment that all she had to do was listen. Just listening was what he needed, what he deserved. So that was what she did.

And what he told her struck her to her very heart.

She did not let go of his hands, although when he did she did not fight it. However, when he took them again, Celeste held on to his hands as though she was the one who was drowning and he was the life buoy. Yet when he said that the Sessfiend was his sister, somehow and somewhere they were sitting on the floor together, their hands clasped together and she felt her heart rate increase, heard her heart beating as she realised that Andraska Venora had killed his sister because his sister was a monster.

"Oh.." What should she say? Andraska needed her to say something to fix it and mend it and yet she could not. "I am...." she was what? She was sorry? Sorry didn't begin to cut it and her brown eyes met his green ones. There was no judgement, no pity and no scorn in her eyes. There was compassion, friendship. Somehow, these two strange little souls laid bare to each other and Celeste did the only thing that she could do in that moment. She wrapped her arms around him, sitting there on the floor and she hugged him. "I am so sorry, Andraska. So very sorry." Unmindful of how it looked or seemed, she held him tightly to her and her hand stroked his head, her fingers in his hair as she held him like a mother might hold a child or a sister her brother.

For such different reasons the two of them had lost their siblings. For such different reasons they blamed themselves and yet, as she held herself against Andraska Venora and rocked him gently, Celeste knew that old guilt for her brother Peake; he who had gone to war because she had rejected him. He who had died with words of anger from her the last words spoke. "Please don't wish to die, Andraska. I don't want to be in a world without you," the young noble woman whispered and her words were entirely heartfelt.

[Andráska Venora]

80th of Ashan, 717

The next moments were monumental and meaningless. Tears ran down his cheeks and his knees went weak, Celeste cradling him as they lowered to the floor and she held him close. He continued to cry, stricken and helpless as he gasped and tried to speak, “I didn't know. I didn't. I swear.” He could taste his tears, needing to justify something, “I wanted to save her.”

Sobs racked his body, sending ghost pains through his ribs as he buried his face in Celeste's neck and her perfume soothed him with ever rhythmic stroke of her hand on his hair. Very few times in his life had he been comforted and now as a grown man, he wish he could say he didn't need it... But damn it, he did and his good hand clung to her fingers, her dress, until his eyes burned and there were no tears left.

He focused on calming his breath, breathing through his mouth as his nose suffered from stuffiness and he no doubt looked as drained as he felt. Celeste continued to rock him, and he felt safe in her arms, enjoying the gentle swaying when she spoke.

"Please don't wish to die, Andráska. I don't want to be in a world without you.”

He finally loosened his grip on her, lifting his head with flushed cheeks and tired eyes, giving another ghost of a smile. The words were... surprising and so unlike the narrative of his own mind that it pulled a quick chuckle from his lips and he leaned back. She might be the only one to think that. Somehow Andráska didn't see Alistair or his parents being quite as comforting.

He gave a soft sound of thought, embarrassed and tormented. But for now... he did feel better, if only for a second and he wanted to hold on to the moment as long as possible before he returned to his nightmares. Could there really be someone who'd want to spend time with him, even after knowing his sins? Lifting his arm and putting it behind them so that it draped over her shoulder, this time he pulled her close and rested his damp cheek on the top of her head, “I'll tell you what,” he said, his voice a deep rumble as he tried to lighten the mood by picking up one of her curls and tickling her face with it, “I'll fight as long as you do.”

His long legs were stretched out in front of him and he stared at his boots. He... appreciated the woman next to him and wish he could promise to never think those thoughts again, if to ease her mind in return of the service she gave him today. He knew it was unlikely, and without realizing began to hum. Music had always been the release of his emotions and it had been so long since he played. Given his arm, it would be even longer, and so he hummed the tune as it weaved in his mind – a sound of winter and spring, battling with one another.

It filled the silence and floated around the room, and he looked to her hand where a Krome ring would sit on a finger that should have been promised to Venora. Andráska desperately hoped Xander was a good man. He had been upset with his brother for calling off the engagement, but now... after being so vulnerable in front of the Andaris and her taking care of him... Her actions solidified a protective loyalty rising from the noble. He'd break the next person to hurt her, and his humming faded before its completion, “I should go,” he took a deep breath, rubbing her shoulder and giving a chaste kiss on the side of her temple, “You should be getting some rest, not dealing with all this.”

He scooted away from her and stood up, offering a hand to help her to her feet. He reached into his pocket and produced a red and black handkerchief that he received from the masquerade ball and patted at her collarbone where droplets of his tears still pooled, “And Celeste?” He had met his own promised there, and thought she had been wonderful. But she had all but vanished and perhaps he needed to reevaluate what made someone enjoyable to be around, “If you don't want to live in a world without me, I can't live in one without you.” He needed her strength, where his was faltering, and he hoped he could offer the same to her. “Thank you... for everything.”

[Celeste Andaris]

She did not tell him to shush, did not tell him it would be alright. Those would have insulted him and that was the last thing she wanted to do. Instead, she held on to him and when he assured her that he didn't know, that he had been trying to save his sister, Celeste rocked him gently and whispered. "I believe you."

Then, she just rocked him and let him cry. He needed to, she knew, he needed to cry out his pain and his guilt and his hurt. It would not make it go away, but it would help it just a little. If all she could do in this moment was allow him a space to help, just a little, then she would do it.

When he smiled it was just enough that it did her good to see it and so much a shadow of what his smile had been like that her heart hurt. Yet he pulled her, now, into a hug and she unashamedly rested her head against his shoulder. His voice resonated in his chest and of all things he tickled her face with her hair. Celeste smiled at his words and nodded as she leaned against him. "Fight or fail," she whispered. "That is what my mother used to tell me. Fight or fail and failure is not an option." By the seven and all the Immortals, how she missed her mother.

The gentle sound of his hummed tune was lovely and Celeste allowed herself to simply be, sitting on the floor wrapped in an embrace with her friend who hummed a tune, she closed her eyes and felt safe. It ended, though, of course, with a kiss to the side of her head and Celeste took his hand and gave a brief and heartfelt squeeze. "You are my friend, Andraska Venora. You are always welcome where I am."

He patted at her with a handkerchief and Celeste's serious brown eyes looked at him as they stood together, having risen but moments before. "You have nothing to thank me for. Or if you do, then I have the same to thank you for." She leaned forward and kissed his cheek, a chaste peck but an informality she would not carry out with many people. "Xander is a good man, Andraska. He is gentle and thoughtful yet fiercely protective." She summed it up the best she could then. "I feel safe and cared for when I am with him." She could have had things so much worse and, although she did not say it there was an expression on Celeste's face which even she was unaware of when she spoke the name Xander Krome.

"Where will you go? Do you have to go to your Barony?" He had been raised to Baron just recently, she knew, the noble gossip didn't take long after the abdication of Ebony Venora. "Or will your duties keep you in Andaris?"

[Andráska Venora]

80th of Ashan, 717

"You are my friend, Andráska Venora. You are always welcome where I am."

He returned her steady gaze with one of his own, nodding to himself. She felt his thanks were unnecessary, but she still leaned forward, kissing him upon the cheek and he sighed. “They always say to do what makes you happy, but it's never that easy, is it?” Andráska began folding the handkerchief in his hand, running his thumb along the silken edges, “My...siblings,” he hesitated, swallowing quickly to push past the word, “always thought I was the happy one... free somehow. But, I never really felt wanted growing up.”

He had already told his secret regarding Zvezdana, he didn't want to go into details of his childhood and he felt she would respect that, “It was all I ever dreamed of. I know nobles don't always get to pick their spouse, so if you don't feel love when you look at him...but you feel safe, cared for, respected, I am happy for you, because... I know how much that means.”

Andráska tucked the fabric away, repressing another sigh. Ah, yes. His barony. “Not sure.” he meandered over to the window, cupping his broken arm and assessing the view, “I've been on the move since Ashan started. I think I might stay a night or two in town. Maybe visit the library.” It had been awhile since Andráska had been just to read for pleasure. He used to love it so as a kid, often found asleep in a tree with a book draped across his face, “Walk around a bit and in Venora fashion, find petty reasons to say why my house is better.” A joke, signaled as much by the slight upturn of his lip when he twisted his body to look at her.

“But I do need to go home eventually...” He needed to talk to his family, tell them the news. Not to mention he had a smuggling, thieving murderer running around his new barony without proper supervision who had arrived around the same time as a highly guarded infant. Oh, the scandals the Gazette would race to tell, “To be honest, I knew it was coming, but I never really thought it would actually happen – becoming a baron.” 'I kind of wish it was at a better time, but that's how these things work, isn't it?'

To be promoted during a potential revolution was just what he needed on his plate. Not to mention the protection duty of the most powerful man in Rynmere, "However, I'll be in Andaris often. King's Guard and all... So, if you ever go back home, you know where to find me. I'll write you.”

Casually, Andraska Venora inched towards the door, reluctant to leave the comfort of the room and the presence of his first friend, Celeste Andaris.

[Celeste Andaris]

He understood, Celeste realised. Not like someone who said they did, who spoke empty words but he understood her and maybe that was because on some level the same thing was returned. Yet, it was not necessary to speak to it, or of it because they both understood it. She was the only girl among four, her brothers all older than her. Benji had been clear, her worth was in who she married and nothing else.

Little did she know that within trials her worth would become much more obvious, upon the receipt of a letter from her grandfather, the Duke.

When he spoke of how important it was that she felt cared for and respected, Celeste nodded. "I did not think it possible, Andraska, but I think.. I believe I can be happy with him." She had no more need to discuss her childhood than he did his, yet they both carried with them scars and pains unspoken, she knew that. "Maybe even become the family I wanted to belong to." Her voice was barely a whisper, but it was as close to vulnerable as she had been in a long time with anyone except Xander.

Maybe, Celeste thought, she was going soft. She would have to have a meeting with Andraska's brother and make sure that she still had some vitriol in her. If anything could bring out her inner bitch, Alistair Venora could manage it, she was sure.

He spoke of what he might do and when he suggested that he would tell others why his house was better, Celeste raised an eyebrow and smiled in return. "Well we are Southerners in a Northern wilderness, filled with barbarians so I think you can safely say that your house is the second best house currently represented. Behind Andaris, of course." They could tease, joke with each other and that was fine. Did he know, Celeste wondered? Did he even begin to have the first idea? She did not think he did.

"Your brother embarrassed me, Andraska. Had he been like you, had he been one tenth the man you are, then he would have hurt me, too. Maybe even broken my heart a little." She smiled slightly, looking at him. "You can be a Baron, Lord Venora. I will have to remember to curtsy when I see you and show all due deference for your rank. I believe the appropriate expression is.." And then, in the living room of the Baron of Krome Celeste Andaris stuck out her tongue like a child at a party, doing so behind her parents' back. With a shake of her head, she stepped forward, though.

"I wish I could invite you to stay here, but I am a guest myself. I am sure that Xander would, though. I can.. don't go, Andraska. Stay awhile and I'll show you the gardens, walk into town with you if you like. Then, I'm sure that Xander would want to meet you and I would like you to meet him." Her brown eyes were earnest. "I think we both feel better for being together, don't we?"